When You Have Anxiety You Can Sense Exactly When People Are Going To Leave

God & Man

When you have anxiety disorder the toughest thing I think are people leaving. It’s never something you adjust to or get used to. It hurts every time.

But what hurts more than that is when it hasn’t happened yet and you’re just anticipating it.

And you can see it.

People with anxiety are overly observant when it comes to things. They are programmed to base things on the vibes people give out. Their ability to read nonverbal communication is impeccable. They’ve mastered this skill and have picked up on cues simply because it’s in their nature. They see little things average people can’t. And sometimes things people might not even notice about themselves. People with anxiety have a keen ability to understand others. Because they know a lot of what is said doesn’t come out of someone’s mouth.

They watch everything so closely.

They’ll notice an eye roll.

They’ll notice if they’ve said something to make you uncomfortable.

They’ll notice the slightest facial expression change.

Or a change in tone.

They look for patterns in people because people with anxiety like things being the same.

They’ll notice the way you text and how quickly you answer.

They’ll notice the way you talk.

They’ll notice your body language.

They’ll notice your habits on social media. A like. A tag. A share. Then suddenly, the second it stops.

They’ll notice if something changes even a little.

People with anxiety are always on guard, watching, waiting, listening for everything.

So when it comes to relationships they can just feel when something big is about to change. They can feel when your connection is different than it was. They can feel you pulling away even if you haven’t done it yet. They can feel conversations changing. And while part of them wants to cling and hang on they know the inevitable is letting go. So they try and do it as gracefully as they can.

But it hurts them every time.

Because after someone leaves they dwell in the past wondering when that shift occurred. And as much as they understand relationships are all a cycle they still blame themselves for it.


Was it something they said?
Was it something they did?
How can they fix it?
Is it too late?

People with anxiety will never look at someone leaving as a loss to the other person but it’s a loss to them, losing someone they finally got comfortable with. TC mark

Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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