I Flat Out Refuse To Date Someone Unless It’s Like This

NickBulanovv

Some say I have high and unrealistic standards for this generation. In a dating culture where a lot of people think courting is defined by Instagram likes and ‘meeting for drinks’ instead of dinner, that sort of thing doesn’t fly with me.

Call me. Don’t text me.
Don’t meet me somewhere. Pick me up.
Don’t snap me when you’re here. Knock on my door.
Open any door I walk through.
Take my jacket.
Pull out my chair.
Pay.
*Not because I’m not able to, believe me, if I couldn’t afford a meal, I’d be working and not going on dates. Pay out of respect.
Walk me to my door.
Don’t expect to come inside.
Kiss me goodbye.
And follow up.
Send flowers.
Tell me you enjoyed seeing me and would like to again.

Introduce me to your family and friends. Maybe not right away but in due time.

Because if I like you and care about you and I’m spending time with you that I could be spending with my own friends and family, they are going to want to know about you.

You treat me well and with respect, I will treat you better. That’s always been how relationships in my life work. I treat people I care about very very well.

So when I say I have high standards and expectations it’s because that’s what I’d be willing to do.

And if standards and self-respect make me unattractive I’d rather be alone than kind of sort of talking to someone.

Talking is bullshit. Talking is the sad excuse people use today when they fear commitment.

With me, it’s either in or out.

That blunt forward honesty is something a lot of us are missing. It’s being replaced with being coy and playing hard to get and ignoring the person you like because you’re told you shouldn’t like them that much or show it.

Fuck that.

If I like you, you will know. The truth is I don’t feel shame in feelings or crashes, especially because falling for someone isn’t something we can control, so why be ashamed of it?

Why settle?

Why only invest half your heart and half commitment into someone?

I’ve done the in between almost relationships, this kind of being something but it isn’t thing. All that comes of that is wasted time and emotion because when you like someone you commit to them. No questions asked. No games played.

We are in a generation where swiping has replaced walking up to someone you like and pursuing them because everyone fears rejection but if it’s across a screen the blow doesn’t hurt as much.

A generation where ghosting has become normal because it’s easier to fade out than admit I don’t like you and I don’t want to see you again.

It’s a generation where people are getting hung up on likes and text messages and snap chats.

When in reality none of those things matter.

It’s a generation where people are having sex and casual relationships but finding love and a stable relationship has become more difficult.

It’s a generation where people are taught love is supposed to be a game and those devices used to connect us do nothing but make us grow more apart.

It’s a generation where one wrong move can get you unmatched or unfriended or blocked with no explanation as to why other than that person felt like it.

So everyone proceeds with caution out of fear of looking too vulnerable or making the slightest wrong move. Dating today has made everyone paranoid AF.

But the only way to get to love isn’t through tricks or playing hard to get, it’s through letting your guard down and letting someone in.

Getting the type of love you hope for comes in what you are willing to do to get there.

It comes with taking risks and standing face to face in front of the person you admire more than anyone in the world and telling them how you feel, even if you want to throw up right in front of them saying those things. There’s a moment pause where you hope and pray to God they say it back. And it’s those moments that make everything worth it. Because even if you get hurt, you at least were brave enough to try.

Being brave enough to risk something in hopes of gaining something more is what we are missing today.

That type of feeling can’t even compare to likes and messages and snap chats.

I don’t look at myself as a hopeless romantic but rather one who is hopeful. Someone who believes in 50-year love stories. Someone who doesn’t believe in divorce or walking away when committing to someone. I believe you can love a single person your entire life.

And I refuse to lower the standards I’ve been taught to have simply because everyone else around me is lowering theirs.

And maybe the way I date and the things I look for in someone is old fashion but maybe generations before us got it right in ways we still need to learn how to. TC mark

Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

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