I used to shame people for doing just that. The ones who dropped friends because someone new came I thought would quickly leave. I thought who were they to put me second when I’ve stood by their side and was loyal. I used to hate watching my friends in relationships and the truth was it was me that was selfish because what I wanted was someone to go out with.
Then it happened to me.
They said I changed. But the only thing that had really changed about me then was my relationship status.
Suddenly this person came into my life unexpected and everything about it was so easy.
And I was caught somewhere between the life I had come to know and one I had only ever dreamed about. A life with the perfect relationship. And I know there isn’t such a thing, every couple has their issues but this was different.
We might not have been perfect but at the time we were perfect for each other.
And as a result of someone new coming into my life, what changed were my priorities. Suddenly he was it.
The truth is if a relationship isn’t changing you or challenging you, it isn’t the right one to be in.
So maybe I did change. My smile became bigger. My laugh became louder. The words “I’m happy,” actually held meaning when in the past I was really good at faking it.
And a lot of people didn’t understand how someone so independent, never needing anyone suddenly had prioritized some guy, I considered my better half.
But the truth was, I was still that person just with someone other than myself cheering me on.
He made me a version of myself I was so proud of. So I didn’t need to apologize or explain this shift to people.
And maybe I became less fun according to your standards.
I opted out of parties more often than not. I’d choose to stay in with a bottle of wine laughing while watching Netflix.
I opted out of Sunday brunches hungover with the girls because he had a family thing he asked me to attend and I was happy about it.
I opted out of short skirts and low cut Ts at the club because the truth was the only person I cared about impressing was the same one who kissed me goodbye and told me he’d wait up for me.
And maybe there were a few nights I ducked out early but I liked having someone to come home to.
The truth was, I missed him even before we’d say goodbye.
That party girl throwing back shots and running the beer pong table was simply a phase for me.
And it was a phase I didn’t regret but I wasn’t that person anymore.
Why would anyone want to go out and meet people and pretend to be single and get free drinks when the best thing in their life is home?
That bar scene was a comfort zone for me but like any comfort zone, nothing new would come of it.
The truth was, I always wanted something a little more and that life was the first thing to go when I found that something.
There wasn’t a party, friend or night out that compared to waking up next to someone who chose me every day.
There isn’t a feeling like standing in a crowded room and making eye contact with your person across the room and falling in love with simply a look. And every day I spent with him I fell deeper into love.
So I don’t think I or anyone should be shamed for choosing a relationship over friends.
Because yes, you’ll be standing there at my wedding giving embarrassing speeches of how we got here today. But the person I’m standing next to is the one who gets my forever.
Friends are just the people who get you there. The ones who dry your tears, comfort you in moments of confusion, stand by you when you’re making mistakes and love you unconditionally. So maybe my friends deserved or deserve more but I truly believe friends are simply the people who guide you and remind you and are there until someone proves they are worthy of taking their place.
The truth is I’ll always be your friend. I’ll always answer that call at 2 am. I’ll be the first over with ice cream and wine when someone hurts you. The friend in me hasn’t changed. And the love we have for our friends will never diminish. It’s just a love that gets shared when you meet the right person.