To My Best Friend, This Is Why It Hurts Me To See You With Him

God & Man

It’s hard to sit here and be happy for you on your good days. It’s hard to watch you smiling in his presence or laughing like you do when he’s around. Because the honest truth is that isn’t always the case.

The truth is he wasn’t around those nights he let you down and I had to be the one to pick up the pieces. He wasn’t there for the phone calls as you questioned yourself just because he didn’t have the decency to give you the explanation, time or attention you deserve.

The truth is it hurts me to see you settle for someone who you’re making a priority while he makes you a choice.

It hurt me that night to stand beside you smiling when I knew your heart was breaking every time you looked at the door and hoped it’d be him walking in.

It hurts me to watch you analyze details and over-think if this means something when the right person wouldn’t even let those thoughts cross your mind.

It hurts me to watch him play you and you just take the scraps he gives you like bait, only to lure you in just to throw you back out again.

It hurts me to see you confused and questioning yourself, simply because someone doesn’t see your value. It hurts me that you don’t see yourself the way I and many others do all because of one guy. One guy, you put on some pedestal who doesn’t deserve to be there.

It hurts me that you don’t believe the compliments I give. It hurts me thinking you have to change. But more than that it kills me when you say you’re the one not good enough for him.

It kills me to watch you invest so much time and energy and devotion to him. It kills to watch you go anywhere and do anything for him when he isn’t meeting you halfway. It kills me that you try so hard for someone who barely says “thank you” half the time.

It breaks my heart that you think this is love. Because real love does not cause pain or doubt or confusion.

It kills me to hear about one good day, that’s immediately followed by a bad one because he chose to ignore you.

It breaks my heart that you forgive him every time just because he’s good at saying sorry. The right guy won’t have to apologize because the right one will realize your value and not make those mistakes.

It hurts me to watch you settle. You settle in love because you think something is there. But you deserve more than some good days. You deserve every day to be a good one.

And I admire your persistence. I admire you for believing in him the way you do. I admire you and your forgiving nature and how you can so easily just forget. But as your best friend, I can’t forget about the night you cried yourself to sleep because he canceled on you then went anyway. I can’t forget about the night where you stood there alone looking more beautiful than ever, sitting next to an empty chair because he said he’d be there. I can’t just forget about the night outside that bar where I was the one chasing after you and he wasn’t.

I know it hurts to be alone but choosing someone who makes you feel alone is the worst type of loneliness. It hurts me to stand beside you through all this because you deserve so much more and I hate that you can’t see it.

As your best friend I’ll always support you even in the decisions I don’t agree with. I’ll always stand beside you and be there when you need me. But my heart breaks for you because you deserve so much more than this.

And I know it hurts to let go of him. I know it might hurt to walk away. But it’s also hurting you to stay here in this limbo. Because this isn’t just some one-time fluke of him disappointing you. It’s time after time after time. And the reason you haven’t broken yet or walked away is a direct representation of your strength because very few people are this strong. But your greatest strength is also your weakness, your stubbornness, your relentless nature is the reason you haven’t given up on him yet.

And there’s nothing I can say to convince you to walk away. All I can say is I look forward to the day you do.

I look forward to the day you really do give up on him. I look forward to the day where his texts don’t phase you or his presence doesn’t affect you. I look forward to the day when he realizes what he’s lost and that it was him who didn’t deserve you.

But more than that I look forward to the day you realize that yourself because when that day comes you’ll see exactly what I see and that isn’t someone who has to change. It’s someone who has been good enough all along it just a while to get you to see it too.TC mark

Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

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