I can’t keep doing this.
I can’t keep trying so hard.
Maybe I shouldn’t have fallen for you in the first place.
There are a lot of things I probably shouldn’t have done. But I did.
And now here I am the one at the crossroad.
I’m caught somewhere between trying harder and giving up.
I hate the thought of not having you in my life.
I hate the thought of not being able to text you when I feel like.
But what I hate more than that is this feeling of being inadequate.
Always not feeling good enough.
This feeling of no matter how hard I try it’ll be enough to simply catch your attention for a moment or two.
A moment when you’re bored.
A moment when you need a confidence boost.
A moment when you’re lonely and need company.
But those moments that fill space in your life mean nothing to you end up meaning everything to me.
And that’s what I hang onto.
You turn to me at your worst and I give you my best, yet it never seems to be enough.
I can’t keep trying.
I can’t hope one day you’ll wake up and realize.
It hurts to let go. But it also hurts holding onto to someone who isn’t even reaching for me in the slightest.
And maybe I look dumb. But there’s a difference between stupidity and stubbornness.
I want to be right about you.
I want to know this person I see you at on your good days is really who you are to the core.
But then there are moments I don’t even recognize you.
You’re selfish and mean and I don’t know which to believe anymore.
I can’t keep staring at my phone hoping this time you’ll answer.
I can’t keep hoping you’ll be this person I know I deserve.
And I can’t keep hanging onto your good days and dismiss the bad ones.
It kills me to let go. But what will hurt more is the moment I realize I was the only one holding on.