‘I love you,’ it’s three really simple words. You think when you say it, you’ll be overcome with the weight of every feeling lifted off you.
But sometimes those words do not free you like you hoped they would. Sometimes it simply adds a little more complexity to something that seems so simple.
There’s no way to tell the impact those words will have on the one receiving it. Sometimes you don’t say things not because they aren’t true but rather in an attempt to spare your own feelings when you know what follows will be an uncomfortable silence of feelings not reciprocated.
Sometimes you love someone enough not to say those three words because you don’t want to put them in the position where it hurts them to hurt you.
Selfless love comes in the form of doing what is best for someone else even if it hurts.
Because in your heart, you know even with your best intentions and the greatest love you can give it won’t make them love you back.
The honest truth is sometimes, love doesn’t fix everything.
Love does not ask, ‘Is this a good time?’ Love does not ask, ‘Are you ready?’ Love comes unplanned even when two people aren’t ready for one another.
So that’s why she’s not telling you she loves you. She’s sparing your feelings or maybe sparing her own because part of her knows you don’t feel the same way or are ready to. Part of her knows no matter how hard she tries there are still things you are dealing with.
So she stands back and tries to be what you need her to be.
In playing that selfless role she probably fell faster and harder for you but not enough to admit it.
But she chooses a silence and smiles even when it’s killing her to do so.
And maybe you know it too.
But you continue to do this dance because she’s not saying it.
And in every moment she came close to admitting what was so obvious, she couldn’t bring herself to. Without having to live it or experience it she knew how it would end.
It would end with her heartbroken if ever she mustered the courage to say three words and you overcome with the guilt of not being able to reciprocate it. It would lead to an awkwardness between us and a silence that would hurt.
So she chooses to avoid that completely.
And maybe some would say she’s a coward. Maybe some would argue if she loved you enough she’d take the chance. But that’s exactly why she won’t. She loves you enough to not say it because maybe she’s still holding onto a little bit of hope. Maybe she isn’t ready to be met with rejection and silence. Or maybe she’s still praying one day you’ll wake up and realize you love her too.