If You’re Wondering, This Is How I’ll Make You Miss Me

 Thought.is
Thought.is

I’ll make you miss me when I learn to love again. I’ll make you miss me when my time and attention goes towards someone who deserves it, appreciates me and reciprocates it in ways you couldn’t. I’ll make you miss me as you watch me smiling when we walk by. When you say something, it’s only then I will have noticed you.

I’ll make you miss me when you realize what you lost as this new guy realizes what he has while he has it. I’ll make you miss me when you wish you treated me better, watching as someone else does.

I’ll make you miss me when you text me and you wonder why I’m not answering. You’ll miss my double texts and every first like on insta. You’ll follow my life and remember a time when you were my favorite thing.

I’ll make you miss me when you realized I’ve moved on and am happier than I ever was with you. I’ll make you miss every conversation that used to only ever be about you. You’re going to miss someone who cared as much as I did.

I’ll make you miss me as you reread old texts and listen to the only person that every left you voicemails.

You’ll miss someone caring if you got home safely. You’ll miss someone wondering how your day is going. You’ll miss that person who used to lay next to you in bed, happy simply with your company when you knew I wanted so much more of you and us. I’ll make you miss me and hate yourself for not giving me that relationship I deserved.

I’ll make you miss me when you realize how much I really did for you. For so long my happiness was defined by yours and you’ll realize how rare and hard that is to find in someone else. You’ll miss every snap in the morning and every goodnight text even though half the time you never answered. You’re going to look at a phone that hasn’t gone off in days and when it finally does you’re going to wish the person was me.

I’ll make you miss me the way I missed you even when you were a foot next to me. The hardest way to miss someone is when they are right there and they aren’t what you need them to be but you love them enough to keep trying and hoping you’ll get there.

I’ll make you miss me when you realize there wasn’t anyone who loved you more.

I’ll make you miss me late at night because there was once a time I’d come every time. I’ll make you miss me in the morning as you wake up alone, you’ll think about to those times when all I wanted was for you to stay. You’ll miss not having given me the chance I deserved.

And when you miss me enough, what will follow is regret. Regret for everything you never did. Regret for everything we never were. Regret for every promise you never followed through with. Regret that will haunt in your sleep as you wake next to someone you wish was me.

Maybe when you miss me enough you’ll text or call me. Maybe we’ll agree to meet up. And we’ll sit across the table like familiar strangers and what you’ll realize is I finally changed. I changed from some weak girl who would do anything to please you, to a woman who has proved the last thing I need is someone who was unsure of themselves.

Because it was never me you were unsure of, it was you, yourself. You fumbled through liking me one day and ignoring the next. But in reality, the confusion came when you looked at your reflection. It wasn’t me you were unhappy with it was yourself. So you toyed with my emotions while you figured out your own. You broke my heart to put yours back together.

But the difference between the two of us was I never I had hurt you to realize your value. I never was unsure that you were the one I wanted to be with. And for so long I never stopped trying.

But it was my turn to be missed. It was my turn to finally get what I had given you all this time. And it hurt me that it couldn’t have been us at the end of all of it.

But every time you made a choice it was never me, so I had to learn to choose myself.TC mark

Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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