You didn’t see it but she spent a little longer getting ready that day, fixating in front of the mirror. But you didn’t even tell her she was pretty.

You didn’t see it but she spent a lot of time trying to find something perfect to give you. Only you didn’t even say, ‘thank you.’

You didn’t see it but her face sunk as you canceled plans again.

You didn’t see it but she stared at her phone after a paragraph text and all you replied with was ‘K.’

You didn’t see it but she cried herself to sleep because for some reason no matter how she tries, it just never seems like enough for you.

She doesn’t ask much of you and accepts the little bit you have to give, while she’s over here trying so hard to make you happy.

Because you don’t see how happy you make her. You don’t see her eyes light up around you. You don’t hear how highly she speaks of you. In fact, you don’t see her much at all. You don’t see her value. You don’t appreciate her love and her kindness. You expect it.

She never lets you down, yet all you seem to do is disappoint her.

She doesn’t ask for attention, yet she gives you all of hers.

She misses you and you get annoyed because you think she’s clingy.

She says ‘I love you,’ and you reply, ‘I know.’

She’s every first text because she wants to talk to you.

She’s every first like because she supports you.

She’s every first view on snap chat because she’s wondering what you’re doing but more than that wants to be a part of it.

She’s every share or tag in a meme because she’s thinking of you.

What you both don’t see yet is her future doesn’t include you.

Because one day she’ll grow tired of trying so hard. One day she won’t have more love left to give. One day she’ll realize you aren’t worth it. And it’s going to break her heart to walk away.

But one day she’ll meet someone who will give her everything you couldn’t.

And when you realize, what she won’t see is how much you miss her.

What she won’t see or hear is how pretty you think she is now, with this new guy because happy girls are always prettier.

What she won’t see is you typing a text only to delete it because you don’t know what to say but you want to.

What she won’t see is how you saw something and thought of her and wish you could have got it.

What she won’t see is how lonely you feel without her, as you lay alone wishing she was next to you.

What she won’t see is that realization of how happy she made you, only it took losing her to see it.

And you’ll wish you never disappointed her or let her down. You’ll wish I said ‘I love you’, even though it took until now to realize it.

You’ll miss every text and like and snap and share.

You’ll wish you never took her for granted.

And as you follow her life, as often as you do, when she posts that picture of her and her forever, you’re going to hate yourself because it could have been you.

Kirsten Corley is a poet and author of the book
But Before You Leave, available here.