It’s Kills Me To See Someone So Beautiful Hurting This Much

I can see through your lonely eyes, what exactly you’re hiding. It hurts looking at you, seeing someone so beautiful in such hidden pain. And I know everyone kind of looks past you because you’ve mastered the art of deceiving them. But you can’t trick me.

I can see you’re tired even though you won’t ever admit it. You won’t ever slow down or take a break or admit something is too much for you to handle. Such things, I know are considered a weakness in your eyes and you’d choose emotionally draining yourself, over failing. I admire that in you.

I know what it’s like to lay there at night staring at the ceiling, wondering if everything you are doing is right. When your thoughts become like a storm, that only gets stronger and you feel like the weak one. I want you to know, you’re the strongest person I know.

And you wonder, what you can do to fill that hole, you won’t admit is inside you. You want to leave but you’re conflicted about where to go and when to get there, or where ‘there’ even is. So you wake up tired and do it all again.

I know what it’s like to want and need change but at the same time wanting security in a comfort zone.

I can see that you’re lonely, even if there’s a crowd. But the truth is, if it’s the wrong company, you’ll never feel like you’re with the right people.

I can see it in your eyes you’re in need a desperate need of finding yourself and finding what will make you whole.

And I wish I could help you. But I also know there are some journey’s everyone must take alone.

I see you. The one hiding behind a fake smile, as you try so hard to make other people happy and please them. Only you aren’t. You’re the same person who would do anything for anyone but never dare ask for anything in return or for help.

You’re the same person who is going through these tired motions. And inside I know you feel a bit lifeless.

But what I see when I look at you is so much more. There’s a spark in your dull eyes that wants something more. There’s something about you that is different. A strength inside you, I don’t know if you see.

You hold others up when you might be drowning under the surface. But they don’t even know it.

Everything about you is a little too beautiful for words.

And if I could wish a single thing for you in the next year, I want it to be happiness. I want to look at you and feel it. I want your smile to be genuine. When I ask how you are, I don’t want to look at you and wondering if you’re lying, when you say, ‘good.’

This year, I want to say yes to things because you want to not because you feel a sense of obligation and guilt if you were to say no. I want you to say no without explaining yourself.

I want the choices you make, to be ones that will benefit your own happiness and not the happiness or need of others.

I want you to do something that makes you really happy even if it scares you a little.

I want people to appreciate you and say thank you more because I know you don’t hear it often.

A lot of people don’t realize someone’s worth when that same person doesn’t falter ever.

People expect so much of you and I know what it’s like to be afraid of letting them down.

But I hope in the New Year you stop letting yourself down. You stop putting yourself second. Be a little selfish, even if it disappoints people because this is the year I want you to stop disappointing yourself.

You deserve more than what you’re giving yourself. You deserve a life in which you feel whole and healed and happy. You deserve going anywhere or doing anything to find it. But more than that you deserve to love yourself first and not feel guilty for it.

You deserve so much and I hope this is the year you get it. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Writer living in Hoboken, NJ with my 2 dogs.

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