He’s A Habit You Can Break, Stop Telling Yourself Otherwise

 TC Instagram
TC Instagram

Your phone goes off, after months of silence.

It’s him. The same him that has been toying with you and f*cking with your emotions for longer than anyone would like to admit.

You take a screenshot. Send it to your friends. They all reply with, ‘no.’

And you know you shouldn’t answer. The right thing to do, would be put your phone down. Walk away. Move on and pretend it didn’t happen.

But it did and it still affects you. That’s the root of the problem.

Then that other voice chimes in saying, ‘It’s just one text. One snap. One like.’

Keep telling yourself that. Keep saying it’s nothing. It’s just one conversation that won’t lead to anything.

You haven’t heard from him in a while. You miss him. More than that you’re curious. Is he seeing anyone new? Does he miss me too? Why did he text me?

But the greatest question of all is ‘Will this time be different?

You want to believe it will be. You want to hope he’s changed. You want to hope you have too and maybe this time you’ll get it right.

So you reply and wait.

And suddenly this turns into a clever chess game, of who makes what next move.

You said you didn’t want to play anymore, yet here you are playing.

He jumps and you say how high.

Next thing you know, you’re running in the exact same circles and in the same place you were months ago and you realize nothing changed. You shouldn’t have answered in the first place. But now here you are, pissed off again, in another fight, and the exact same thing has happened, yet again but you’re surprised.

He’s a habit you can’t seem to break.

Yeah, you go weeks without speaking maybe even months but the second his name appears on your screen, that’s it.

And I know you guys have a history. I know you really care about him, even if you’re friends don’t know why. I know, you know him in a way other people don’t. I know you see something in him. And I know from the bottom of your heart, you want to get it right with him.

But until him texting you doesn’t send you off the edge, of being emotionally conflicted, nothing will change.

Maybe you each have to grow apart before you become the people you are meant to be. And maybe when that happens you’ll find your way back to each other.

But right now, I know this is hurting you. He comes and goes just to see if it affect you. And it does.

If you want to beat him at his game stop playing it. Remember boys play games. Men don’t.

So the next time he texts you, the next time you are tempted to respond, I want you to ignore it. Make him realize what it’s like to live without you.

Then live your life without him.

If you want a different outcome with him you’re going to have to do something different.

Establish your own goals. Build yourself up in such a way, that you look at yourself in the mirror with the admiration you deserve. You aren’t weak and every time you answer him I know that’s how you feel sometimes.

When that text doesn’t faze you, then you can answer. But until then don’t.

And when you guys find your way back to each other again (because let’s face it, you will) make sure you’ve changed. That’s the only thing within your control. Make sure you’re leading a life so great, at that point, he wants to be a part of it. Be so strong and independent, you be the one to make that call.

Remember these circles you find yourself running in, as things begin just to end again is fate’s way of telling you, you haven’t learned what you need to on your own yet. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Writer living in Hoboken, NJ with my 2 dogs.

Keep up with Kirsten on Instagram, Twitter, TikTok and kirstencorley.com

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