Don’t Waste Your Time With Someone Who Makes You Question Your Worth

Jesse Herzog
Jesse Herzog

I know what it’s like to think you’ve found the right guy. It’s like you build someone up in your mind as feelings grow within your heart. You see them and only them and you think that’s it. You take every good moment dismissing the bad ones. You judge them for the good you wish they would posses all the time and in return, you give your best hoping your best will be good enough. But what you aren’t seeing is you’re giving your best to someone who doesn’t deserve it.

Then suddenly as you’re falling harder and faster; there is the slightest shift within him. Those texts that used to be answered really quick you finding yourself waiting for minutes that seem like hours. The times when you never had to think about what you were going to say, you now find yourself censoring things or overthinking things. You replay scenarios in your mind as he begins to pull away all you’re left with are these questions you don’t have the answers to. Because it makes sense to you how you feel but he left you wondering if those feelings can even be reciprocated or if you simply made this all up in your head.

You find yourself tossing and turning at night because you remember a time when things weren’t so complicated.

It’s like one second you’re sure he likes you then the next minute it’s an entirely new story you aren’t even a part of.

And you give your best friend the play by play hoping you’ve missed something, hoping that maybe it’s just a fluke. But you know they are confused too because the only thing you can make sense of is the fact that none of this makes sense.

But the one thing no one is telling you is if he liked you and was interested in you then there wouldn’t be an ounce of confusion.

Then technology only adds fuel to a confusion fire because he’s looking at your snap stories but not opening your snap. He’s read your text and started to type only to delete it, and you’re watching as nothing is sent. Because he knows he has you. He liked your last post but ignored your last call. And it’s like you’re doing this dance to a song you didn’t even agree to. And he’s calling every move because he can and you’re letting him.

But if I can tell you anything about relationships or this game everyone seems to be playing and no one wants to be a part of, it’s this: if someone even for a second makes you question your worth, it is them who isn’t worthy of you. Even if someone for a moment ignores you then don’t give them any more of a heart they don’t deserve. If someone allows you to go to bed upset because you haven’t heard from them, don’t answer in the morning when you finally do. But most of all if someone walks away don’t chase them. Don’t try and prove you deserve them. Don’t try and be good enough. Don’t try and make them jealous. Don’t play their game. Just quit.

I can bet you don’t want to give up. I can bet you think with one more try maybe they’ll turn out to be the person you know in your heart they are. And I can’t sit here and argue that he’s not a good guy. But what I can say is anyone who treats you less than you deserve isn’t good for you. And there’s no justifying that. There’s no trying to tell me about his good moments compared to the bad. Because the right guy will fill your life with only goodness and never doubt.

If anyone makes you question your worth, they aren’t sure of you. You don’t want to waste your time with someone who isn’t 100 percent sure 100 percent of the time that they want to be with you and only you.

He’s out there but you won’t find him trying to turn someone who isn’t worthy of you into that guy. He’s a guy that can’t be created. He’s a guy that will cross your path and you’ll simplistically know. And when you find him and when everyone sees you happy getting what you deserve, it’ll be in the moment that person you thought was, ‘Mr. Right’ will realize what he lost. But the real person worthy and deserving of you won’t need all that time to realize it. Because the right guy won’t play games with you. The right guy will take your hand and you won’t look back and you’ll know in that moment you’ve finally won. TC mark

Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words. Follow Kirsten on Instagram or read more articles from Kirsten on Thought Catalog.