I Don’t Want To Have To Wonder How You Feel

I don’t want to have to wonder how you feel. I don’t want to have to question every move I make. Or overanalyze every word that’s typed as I delete it and rewrite.

I don’t want to have to ask my friends what they think as you’re hot one day and cold the next. I don’t want to be staring at my phone wondering why you haven’t answered yet.

I don’t want the fighting and drama and slamming doors as tears roll down my face and I wonder will you come back. Then you do and I feel weak for letting you back in.

Because I know relationships are suppose to make you stronger. The right ones. I don’t want the type of relationship where I feel lonely in your presence in a bed I’d rather be sleeping in alone. But I don’t have courage to ask you to leave. I’ve been there. And it took going there to realize a few places I never want to be again.

I want the type of love I’m sure of, the kind that keeps me up at night because the reality is much better than any dream. Not the kind where I wake up tossing in turn in a bed too big for one as I stare at the clock just wondering is there more.

I want the type of love I can count on.

Where I look at you and I just know you only have eyes for me. Not the type where I question every girl that walks by because I see the way you look at them.

I want the type of big love that makes me feel secure. The type that builds me up and doesn’t knock me down. The type where I don’t remember a life before you entered it.

The type where suddenly songs on the radio, come with a face in mind that makes me smile. Because if there’s one thing I’m sure of, it’s that love does exist. But sometimes it takes learning what love isn’t, until you can be open to what it really is.

Sometimes it takes accepting what you don’t deserve to realize what you won’t ever tolerate again.

Sometimes it takes loving someone so hard and not hearing those three words back to realize the greatest love story starts and ends with the person looking back at you in the mirror.