I Never Gave Up On You I Just Gave Up Hoping

Thought Catalog Instagram
Thought Catalog Instagram

And if you asked me about the perfect picture it would be one that included you.

If you asked me for a realistic picture it’d be one where I’m sitting alone at dinner in silence and the only sound is the metal scrapping a plate as I wonder about you.

I wonder where you are and I wonder who you’re with and most of all I wonder with acceptance that it will never be me in your realistic picture of how you foresee a future.

So I find myself living in the past as memories of us dance in my mind when I used to believe it could be us at the end of all of it.

But in time I’ve come to accept what my heart doesn’t want to – that you’ve never been mine even when I wanted you so bad to be.

But wanting things doesn’t mean you’ll get them. And loving people doesn’t mean they’ll love you back.

I loved you with all I had. I loved you with all I was. I gave everything I could in hopes it’d be enough.

But all you’ll ever be is a part of a list of dreams forgotten and never achieved.

Because that’s all you ever were was a dream.

You were a fixation of what I wanted you so badly to be. But I didn’t accept you for who you were – who we were.

And all we were and all we are, are strangers on the same train heading to different destinations.

But before I go and be on my way I want you to know if you let me I would have loved you.

If you asked me to turn around I’d be the first one running.

But I know I’ll walk away and you won’t say anything to stop me. Because all we are is a dream forgotten.

And in the mist of ordinary days, the thoughts of one another will run through our minds at least for only a moment before disappearing.

Just as I will.

It’ll be then we move on. Because we were never suppose to meet. I was never suppose to find you. I was suppose to simply hope you were out there and hope for something more within the eyes of every stranger.

But now I look at them and it’s you I want to find. Because even when I’m worlds away I never ever gave up on you, I just gave up hoping you’d feel the same way. TC mark

Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

Read Here

More From Thought Catalog