You Were My Kryptonite

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Everyone has that one person they can’t quite turn their back on. He’s the one we shouldn’t want and sure as hell don’t need. But we keep reaching for them in the darkness.

They are every text we don’t ignore. It’s them asking and we give even if the cost is great, even if it means giving part of ourselves along the way. They have us wrapped around their finger. And they know us for everything we are. They know us for our flaws and for our weaknesses. They too let us in like a luring aroma we can’t help but follow.

And suddenly we are hooked. But we don’t see it’s kind of killing us. We don’t see what it’s doing to us. But it’s killing us like kryptonite. They keep us on the edge. They keep us walking on eggshells because at any moment, this game were playing with fire leaves scars immediately. It’s staring at a phone and the texts have been read. It’s every call that rings once and goes to voicemail. It’s plans that get cancelled right before. Its promises we know can’t rely on.

It’s everything we want to believe because our heart is so invested in this. And once they have our heart they have us, and they toy with our emotions like it’s a game we’re bound to lose. And no matter how we try and keep up, they keep changing the rules and redrawing lines. They look at us with this coy smile because they know how badly we want them. They know we’d do anything to have them. So they take what they can of us to make them whole, even if it only leaves us broken.

But it isn’t all bad. They are experts at sorry and we forgive them each time. There are perfect moments, like comets in the dark night sky we want to hold onto. The good stuff. The moments that do make us fall in love. We hope it’s that person that will reappear. We hope it’s that person who gives us love and maybe for once doesn’t take it away. We enjoy the conversations. We enjoy the time spent together. Even though it feels like they are right next to us, we’ve never known what it’s like to feel so apart from someone who’s lying right next to you. Because no matter how close they are to us they are never ours.  

No matter how much we don’t want them to hurt us, they do.

They are our kryptonite and they’ll keep taking from us until we have nothing to give. They’ll keep hurting us until our pure heart turns black. They’ll keep luring us in until we know the world of darkness that they not only live in, but thrive in.

So to person whose my kryptonite

There’s a difference between wants and needs. And clearly I don’t need you even in those moments I think I do.

Because yeah I might have loved you and maybe you might have said those words back to me at one point or another. But you don’t hurt the people you love. You don’t destroy the people you love. You don’t change them or make them into something else.

You and I both know there isn’t a call I wouldn’t answer or anything I wouldn’t do for you. But the cost is complete self-destruction. It feels like I’m the one crumbling and you’re using me to fix yourself. But you can’t go around hurting people just because you’ve been hurt. Hurt for hurt only causes more pain. So if you really wanted to stop hurting the way to do that is through love. So the choice is yours. Because I’ve spent so much time loving you, even at your worst, that I deserve love too.

But it breaks me to know I might never get what I deserve from you.

Because there are things I need too.

I won’t let you keep destroying me, as I deteriorate bit by bit, what I will do is take what is left of me and rebuild myself. There are pieces of me you have I’ll never get back and part of my heart will always be yours. But I’m loving myself for the first time more than I’ve loved you. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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Writer living in Hoboken, NJ with my 2 dogs.

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