I think we all have that one person in our lives who has a permanent spot that no one can fill. They come in and out of our lives pulling at our heartstrings, with every word and every glance. We sheepishly smile and look away wondering.
We all hope one day to get it right with this person. They are that one person you will not give up on. They get a million chances plus one when some people in your life do not even get two. It is never “just friends” even sometimes you say it is. And you think, maybe just with one more chance you will get it right.
You know you shouldn’t fall in love with them, but you still do. They set the template for how you feel about others. No matter what those qualities are, they control how you feel about every future relationship.
You fight like you are an old married couple, but would defend each other to the ends of the earth, if you had to. Nothing hurt you more than seeing them hurt. They too hated all of your exes. They were the arms holding you after your first heartbreak and the reassuring voice you could do better. In their head they wondered themselves “could it be me.”
They were the safety nets after every fall, and the company when you wanted to be alone. But the thing is, the greatest company is when you do not want any.
They were the ones ready to fight that guy who hurt you in high school, holding him up against the locker until he apologized. He always swore he’d protect you and he has remained true to his promise.
No matter where you are at in your life, at the moment of any call you pick up and just by the sound of their voice you can tell what kind of a day they are having.
You each have a past you have tried to run from, but when it comes to each other you never get too far. You know each obstacle they have overcome and skeletons in their closets. You never judge them for any of that so maybe that is why they are still a major character in your life.
They are every new years call and the ring on your birthday at 12:00.
There is something reassuring about the person you won’t give up on and the person who has proven time doesn’t change things. They prove that distance is only a mathematical complication of our minds and if someone cares enough it becomes a minimal obstacle.
So you hope. That is all you can do, in the grand scheme of waiting and leaving each other time and time again. You want only the best for them, even if sometimes you are not a part of it. You smile at their accomplishments and the people they have become in the years you have known them. As you watch them become better, you realize knowing them has made you better as well.
You never know, if one day they will introduce you to someone “important” and you’ll quietly shake their hand denying a history that now defines the past. But, when that day comes you’ll put on the bravest face you can and wish them the best.
But then that thought also crosses your mind of “what if.” What if one day you get it right? You think about a future you don’t know exists, but only in your imagination. You hold onto that hope and a history it is all you can do.