We are wired to express from the very first day that we were brought to this world. Without an inch of doubt of what kind of reactions we could expect, we just expressed on the spot, which means crying to get attention, to get fed and to express any discomfort that we felt. It was a clear cut form of expression. No bullshit, no double meanings and just straight to the point. As simple as that.
But then, things start to shift as we get less dependent on our expressions towards our basic needs. As we grow into toddlers, we become more aware of our environment and more conscious of how our own expressions of feelings can lead to certain recurring responses, or a lack thereof.
The expression of love and attention of our very first support group or person determines how emotionally strong we become in expressing our own feelings, especially negative ones. When we aren’t listened to or not taken seriously too many times from an early age, it would be just a matter of time when we nuance our voices and stop expressing our feelings.
What happens afterward is shutting ourselves out of our inner emotions, not allowing ourselves to be even near it in order to numb ourselves to remove the basic need to express and talk about feelings. This all to eliminate even the slightest chance of getting hurt by a lack of acknowledgment.
If there isn’t any need to express in the first place, then there is also zero risks of rejection when our outpour of feelings aren’t getting acknowledged.
It’s just a safety mechanism that we have built to protect ourselves because each one of us is made to express. Trying hard to keep it shut just means it is dying to come out.
At some point in life – with a little luck on our side – we will meet souls who try to open our hearts by pouring their hearts out in front of us.
These are the friends that we didn’t ask for but still have a genuine interest in us and want to spend their precious time with us.
These are the mentors who saw value in us and persevered to guide us into believing in ourselves by being honest with our inner voice.
These are the loves of our lives who decided to stay in the face of despair, fighting to be there for us even if they do not 100% understand us.
These are the missed out caretakers that we should have had in our younger innocent years to lay a healthy groundwork for us to work further on it when we became adults.
All in all, these are the people who show us that it is okay to learn to express again, to brick by brick drop down our walls, to realize that expressing our honest emotions is not a fault but a necessity to connect and grow meaningful and loving relationships.