When do you consider someone a friend? Is it when you regularly meet up for drinks? Or when you see them as an extension of your family? Everyone has a different definition of the word “friend,” so friendship can be a tricky thing when we approach and treat friends all differently in our own way. It is especially tricky when you are an easy going person and let all kinds of people into your life before even defining for yourself what you can bring to the table and what the other person needs to be in order to be your friend.
It’s almost impossible to be my friend these days. My requirements are so high up that no mortal being actually can reach them. It’s as if I do it on purpose so no one can actually come close to me.
My trust in people is at the lowest point that I fail to open up myself again for new people.
As if I don’t even bother anymore to establish another superficial relationship in which we only meet up to complain to one another and indulge in daily gossip.
To me, friendship isn’t about seeing each other on a regular basis nor seeing each other only when wasted during the weekends. It’s not to use each other as a laughing stock when it is obviously not the moment to crack jokes and laugh away the tense atmosphere that has been floating around in the room.
Friendship is not about being polite in each other’s faces and feeling frustrated behind their backs when you don’t have the guts to tell them how you really feel.
But it’s also not about being honest to the point that you are practically hurting your friend because of the things you say without considering the consequences of your own words. When the feelings of your friend is at stake because of your actions, you should really take a long look at yourself to see if you are being a decent human being, let alone a good friend.
On the other hand, I also know what I need to bring to the table to be considered a good friend because I have high expectations for myself. I don’t like half-assing; there is no middle ground for me. It’s all or nothing, which means that you are either my friend for life or dismissed forever in my mind.
My first rule for being a good friend? Simple.
Let go of one’s ego and be self aware of your own actions.
Also, know when to shut up in more serious situations, know when to speak up to help and know when to let go if it’s about small matters. Know when to apologize and take the blame if it’s yours to take. Know how to really listen and take someone seriously. Know how to genuinely say sorry if you have hurt someone, whether or not it was on purpose.
It’s a give and take – no need to keeping score in how well you are playing the friendship game.
Be adaptable without letting someone walk all over you.
Friendship doesn’t have to be tricky, but we make it too complicated by playing fucked up mind games with each other. Friendship is a tricky business — you enter into someone’s life and begin to think you know them well, so you put an enormous amount of trust in them without ever questioning if they’ll hurt you.
And when they do mess up by consciously hurting you or breaking your trust, you find yourself dumbfounded and the whole situation laughable and surreal to the point that you’re in a state of shock, struggling to comprehend what the fuck actually happened. That’s why I’m still failing to open up myself again. Making friends is as tricky as gambling. You keep trying because you want to win, but you end up losing and going home with empty pockets.
Is it really too much to ask to be a decent human being?