21 April Ludgate-isms To Help You Lead Your Best Life

Parks and Recreation
Parks and Recreation

1. “I don’t want to do things. I want to not do things.”

2. “Time is money. Money is power. Power is pizza. Pizza is knowledge. Let’s go.”

3. “Horizons are dumb. Never broaden your horizons.”

4. [On dealing with conflict]: “I very maturely and straightforwardly left anonymous comments about her online.”

5. [To Jerry/Larry/Terry/Gary] “Can you photoshop your life with better decisions?”

6. [On the phone with concerned citizen] “I declare that everything you are saying is stupid.”

7. “I hate talking to people.”

8. “No, I didn’t win. But at least I didn’t make any new friendships.”

9. “Beauty pageants are idiotic. But I found out that the winner of the Miss Pawnee pageant gets $600. I can be idiotic for $600.”

10. “Hello, I’m April Ludgate. I’m 20-years-old. I like people… places… and things.”

11. [On being in nature] “The air is too fresh. It’s disgusting. I can’t breathe. There’s a brook somewhere that won’t stop babbling. Shut up!”

12. [Explaining to Anne why she’s dressed as a pilgrim] “Leslie said it was a ‘come as you were in the 90s party.’ I assumed it was the 1690s.”

13. “I wanted to make fun of stupid people while I get drunk, my two true passions.”

14. “I can convince small children that I’m a witch.”

15. [On her wedding vows to Andy] “I guess I kind of hate most things, but I never really seem to hate you.”

16. “I think I may have found a project I’d actually enjoy doing: helping these cats and dogs [find homes]. They should be rewarded for not being people. I hate people.”

17. “If you ever speak to me in Spanish, please use the formal usted.”

18. [Competing with Chris Traeger] “I don’t care about that prize. But I’m gonna win because I want his happiness to go away.”

19. “That’s gross. I love it.”

20. “I love games that turn people against each other.”

21. “Deep down inside everyone is just faking it until they figure it out.” Thought Catalog Logo Mark

I’m a staff writer for Thought Catalog. I like comedy and improv. I live in Chicago. My Uber rating is just okay.

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