12 Everyday Struggles Of Being An Extrovert Who Also Loves Being Alone

1. Even when you’d rather stay in, just knowing that people are out having a good time will kind of bug you. You have a next level case of FOMO. It doesn’t always win, and you don’t always end up sucking it up and going out when you’d rather stay in and read or write. But just knowing that your friends are out being crazy does get into your head on the nights when you’ve chosen to be more mellow. You love going out, you love people. So balancing that with your love of time with just yourself, a bunch of candles, and some music can be tricky.

2. People mistake your availability by technology for ACTUAL availability. You respond to texts quickly, call people back with no question. But it can be really easy to mistake your responsive nature with a willingness to just drop everything to be by their side, which isn’t the case.

3. You feel like you get asked, “You okay?” anytime you aren’t the life of the party. Extroverts have a reputation for being bubbly, loud, opinionated, hilarious — the quintessential “life of the party” person. So when you’re feeling more quiet, less outgoing, more introspective, people seem to automatically jump to the, “something’s wrong” mentality. Nothing’s wrong, you’re just listening. But that’s pretty hard to understand apparently.

4. You’ll get texts that say things like, “did you die??” and it’s like…kind of annoying. God forbid you take a weekend to binge watch TV and eat popcorn by yourself because if you do, people will assume you’ve been kidnapped. You wish you could unplug without it being “news” in your group…but the reality is that it will be concerning and you will probably have to explain yourself.

5. Sometimes you feel like there are two wildly different sides to your personality. There’s the crazy, Go-Go-Go you. And then there’s the more subtle you. The you who is more content to journal than get drunk in a club. There’s “Woo! Party party PARTY!” you, and there’s “in bed by 9:25” you. And managing both of them, can be a complicated balancing act.

6. It can be hard for you to form relationships with people, because you feel like they don’t get you. You feel like they want one or the other. They either want the excited to stay up talking about the universe and dancing to Robyn no matter what the time is you. Or the quiet, loves novels and the couch and a sensible bedtime you. You feel like it’s next to impossible to find someone who accepts and loves the two sides of you that happen to exist.

7. You love having people over, but you don’t want them to stay for too long. You’re incredibly wary of and protective of your space. Which can, unfortunately, get awkward. You have a love/hate relationship with anyone who asks if they can randomly crash at your place because, while you’re happy to have them and fine with being the host, it cuts into your “you time” to a much shorter degree, and fucks with your planning. All of which, can be problematic.

8. You have to remind yourself to not set your expectations too high for socializing. When you go out, or go to parties, or go to meet people, you find yourself setting a bar of expectation for how much fun you want to have. For how much fun you expect to have. Because, on the chance that you don’t, you’ll sit there stewing thinking, “I could’ve just gone home…” and turn into some sort of Negative Nancy version of yourself. You have to remind yourself to have an open mind, and to not put expectations onto to social situations because honestly, it’s unfair.

9. Ironically, though, you make the BEST host at parties. Because you’ve been the asshole sitting there being bitter and internally focusing on, “This is boring,” you’ll never let that happen to YOUR party. You always make sure people are well fed, well drunk, and having…well…a great time. You know how to circulate with the introverts, the extroverts, and the people who (think..lol) they’re ambiverts. You know how to get along with, and have a good time with, pretty much anyone.

10. You can find a way to make even the most mundane activities the best. Folding laundry? You’ll put on Adele and make it a music video. Marathoning Stranger Things with your main squeeze? They’ll never want to leave. Just walking the dog? You can hold a conversation AND Payton’s leash at the same time. You have an amazing ability to find the good in whatever situation, and keep yourself (and subsequently, everyone else) entertained.

11. You’re rarely bored. But when you are? It’s a disaster. Boredom or being boring are your greatest fears so you actively seek out ways to combat them.

12. Your favorite part of any event, is coming home at the end of it. You know that the best part of any night out, is coming home, taking off your pants, and collapsing onto a bed. You know that falling into the arms of a stranger will never match falling onto the cold side of a pillow. You know that taking off your bra and throwing it to the opposite side of a room will beat a lemon drop any day (or night). As much fun as you can have at a party (which, let’s be real, is a lot) you know coming back to your sanctuary is still going to be the best part.

And being able to equally enjoy both parts? That’s what makes you so damn awesome.