1. You always end up answering more questions about THEIR dating life than your own.
EVERYONE wants to know the status of their relationship on Facebook, whether or not there’s a ring on their finger, if they’re interested in someone. They are just 🔥hot🔥hot🔥HOT🔥 and everyone has a crush on them. And you, their confidant/partner in crime obviously HAS to have the in on the deets. If another “so tell me about Ari…” text comes across your screen you’re probably going to throw it into the ocean. It’s fine. IT’S FINE.
2. You question why they actually want to hang out with you.
Do they just need the ego boost? Are you just there to make sure THEY’RE the hot one in the photo? Is everything okay? Is everything a lie?
3. You develop a ‘thing’ to compensate.
This is why you’re the FUNNY friend or the SMART friend or the friend with a dog. Or you can be all of the above. You are the funny friend who can list all of the state capitols whilst petting your rescue pug. If you have layers they have to keep you around. Even if you don’t love what happens to your boobs in a bikini you have JOKES.
4. You catch yourself doing bits for attention.
In high school you had “inside jokes” where you’d randomly yell something like “Just lost the game!” and everyone would be dying and cursing you out. Now as an adult (a fully functioning and very well adjusted adult OBVI) you have ‘bits’ like a comedian to get attention. It might just be a catch phrase or it might be a game you play where you act like you’ve never heard of Google, but you find yourself doing them more often than you’d care to admit to make sure you aren’t just talking to yourself in the corner attentionless.
5. Borrowing clothes (either taking or giving) means your self-esteem is going to take a stabbing.
They ALWAYS look better in your clothes and you look like Mia from The Princess Diaries pre-makeover in any of theirs. If it was possible for anyone to look good in your 8-year-old high school Lacrosse sweatshirt, it’s them. It’s both completely baffling and infuriating at the same time.
6. You definitely refer to them as ‘Hot Greg’ when they aren’t with you.
Hey. It’s how everyone knows who you’re talking about. You don’t make the rules.
7. You feel like a dumpling when the two of your work out together.
They’re there in their leggings and spandex with a light glean sparkling on their somehow always beautiful torso, and you are the potato they brought to the gym. It’s just better if you don’t have to be around them while they elegantly glide on the treadmill like a damn gazelle, or struggle next to them in yoga where they become the most aesthetically pleasing pretzel ever. Your dumpling self doesn’t need that.
8. You feel no shame in posting their ‘ugly’ selfies.
You are subjected to knowing that every double take that happens when you two are out together is not for you. They can stand to be taken down a notch.
9. The thought of reproducing with them PURELY because the child will be stunning has crossed your mind more than once.
Everyone wants a beautiful baby whether they admit it or not. #Truth.
10. You frequently play wingman AND body guard when you guys go out.
You’re either assisting in getting someone’s number to them, or keeping the lurkers at bay. You’re either buttering up someone so that they’ll have the balls to talk to your friend, or threatening to throw a drink so that Karl with a K stops grab-assing them on the dance floor. It’s a tough job – but someone’s gotta do it.
11. Your relationship/friendship probably started because you had a baby crush.
These days you are immune to how chiseled their jawline is, how perfect their hair blows in the breeze, their uncanny ability to have Resting Smize Face. But, admittedly, in the beginning you were not as strong. You initially started talking to them to see if a 10 would actually talk to a 7 and maybe make a 17 after a few cocktails. Now you laugh about those days, but it doesn’t mean they didn’t happen.
12. You keep hoping that the hot will rub off on you.
If you hang out with someone long enough you start to look like each other right? That’s why dogs start looking like their owners? Same concept? No? I should just see myself out? Ok.
13. You really, really understand how all of Zac Efron’s co-stars must feel.
It has to be hard sitting next to someone who literally EVERYONE wants to see naked. You feel for Adam DeVine these past few months. That had to be a TIME.
14. You never know how to respond when strangers stare at your friend.
Do you nod in solidarity? Do you chastise them? Do you TOO stare at your friend’s glorious ass? There is no right answer. The limit does not exist.
15. You get bored with acknowledging their beauty.
Jacob: “Holy crap your friend is hot.”
You: “Yeah I know.”
Jacob: “But like…wow I’m sorry but he’s like really, REALLY hot.”
You: “Yep. I’ve seen him once or twice.”
Jacob: “But my god he’s so hot I just…”
You: *screams internally 5eva*
16. You feel pretty special that you know who they actually are as a person, and not just eye candy.
Sure, they are what artists look to for inspiration and have an Instagram account that can only be described as #goals, but they’re also a person. And that person is pretty spectacular. Also has spectacular wrapping paper, but they’re a dope person. And you’re lucky they’re yours.