1. You talk about each other CONSTANTLY.
It’s borderline annoying. You bring them up ALL the time in conversation, and honestly it’s without even meaning to (most times). It’s not that other people are boring — your best friend is just that much more interesting. And besides, everyone needs to hear about how they prefer asiago bagels to everything, and how their poetry is going to change the world. Obviously.
2. You’re more invested in their dating life than your own.
Sure; you’d like to find somebody to ~*lOvE*~ one of these days, but it’s more important that you make sure your BFF didn’t match with a Ted Bundy wannabe on Tinder. You want them to walk down the aisle some day with you in a bangin’ best man/maid of honor outfit and that doesn’t just HAPPEN.
3. You’re each other’s best friend on Snapchat.
And you like each other’s Instagrams first, retweet all the time, and would definitely be numero uno if the Myspace Top 8 was still a thing.
4. You get genuinely offended if they tell someone big news before you.
If your best friend gets a promotion at work, gets a cute guy’s number from the bar, or even takes a particularly lovely shit in the morning and you AREN’T the first one they text about it? That is sacrilegious. They would be dead to you and you would be h e a r t b r o k e n.
5. You know ALL of their medical information.
Yeah, you’re each other’s emergency contact — that’s a given. But you also know all of their allergies, their blood type, what birth control they’re on, what medicine they’re currently taking, and the real answer to the standard, “How many drinks a week do you have?”
6. You have a personal vendetta against people you’ve never met simply because they wronged your bestie.
You don’t CARE that they’re probably a nice person/volunteer/donated a kidney to a stranger. They were rude to your ride or die so they are on your permanent shit list. And that is iron clad. They could donate their other kidney to you and you’d STILL give them the cold shoulder.
7. You can finish each other’s…
(You get it.)
8. You’ve seriously considered getting married to them for the tax benefits.
Well…the benefits and because you know you’re never going to find anyone who loves you as purely and authentically as your best friend. That’s the harsh reality of having someone so perfect in your life.
9. You’ve licked your finger to get food or dirt off of their face.
And they weren’t weirded out at all.
10. You KNOW one of your children will be named after them.
It would just feel wrong to not have a mini homage to your person running around when the time comes. Even if it’s simply the little nugget’s middle name, it’s just a given that you’ll be giving credit where credit is due.
11. You consult them for every decision in your life. Big or small.
How else are you supposed to decide what to eat for breakfast at McDonald’s or whether or not to apply for Grad school? You cannot trust your own decisions without a yay or nay from your BFF. That’s just the way it is.
12. You’ve seen something on social media and known it was them before even looking to confirm it.
Including when they inevitably share this article on Facebook and tag you with the dancing girls emoji.
13. You do not think of your co-dependency as a bad thing. At. All.
You say texting you best friend pictures of the weird rash on your back to confirm that it is not in fact syphilis or spider bites is weird, I say “what a healthy relationship” and good. for. you.
14. You share everything.
You’re the type of friends who share food, clothes, your car, your Netflix account, your cable, your computer….and the list goes on and on. It’s not even a question; what is yours is 100% theirs. You’d share your sexual partners if you could. (Ok maybe not but like…the thought has crossed your mind.)
15. You have COUNTLESS inside jokes that no one else finds funny.
You bust them out at any opportunity and the two of you completely lose your damn minds laughing. Everyone stares at you like the weirdos that you are but you don’t give a damn. It’s caused many an awkward silence but does that stop you? No, no it doesn’t.
16. You think they’re dead if you don’t hear from them at least once a day.
Tbqh, if you only hear from them once a day you assume that they’re dead anyway. Or mad at you. Which would be worse.
17. You can’t believe you ever lived without them.
And you’re so grateful that you never have to ever again.