What It’s Like To Be Optimistic And Depressed At The Same Time


Being a very happy, optimistic person with depression is a strange combination. When there is talk of someone struggling with depression, most people assume they’re miserable. They can’t laugh, they can’t smile, they can’t enjoy themselves, they don’t feel happiness.

Depression can be enveloping, it can take over your life and dictate your mood. It can make you think irrationally and feel unreasonably and make you feel completely and utterly alone in the world. But it’s possible to be a happy person with depression. I’m one of those people.

I am a naturally sad person. I can’t help it – it’s just who I am. No matter how much fun I may be having, or how happy I may feel, there is a permanent sadness lingering in the back of my mind. But I’ve learned to live with it.

I’ve come to terms with the fact that I will never feel as blissful as I once did when I was very young. I will always know too much and feel too much and hurt too much. I have a freakishly broad range of emotions and they can be hard to live with at times. But even though I’m a naturally sad person deep down, it doesn’t mean I can’t feel acute happiness and intense optimism. I am in a good mood a lot of the time. Even if I’m not, I’m able to get myself there and at the very least appear to be in one.

I don’t like feeling sad and being in a bad mood and I don’t like others to witness me in a bad mood. There is a really fucked up, dark side of me that I don’t like people to see. Even as someone who has struggled with depression for as long as I can remember, it still irks me to see someone in a bad mood and be unable to snap out of it. I can obviously relate to someone who has an unknown source dictating their emotions without their control. It’s horribly frustrating and leaves you feeling defeated and broken.

Depression is a war within your own mind and it feels as though you are constantly losing. But I still refuse to let my depression control me. I refuse to let it put me in a permanently sorrow state. I refuse to let it affect the people around me (for the most part). I’m someone who is passionate and loves to laugh and smile and have a good time and I’m not going to ever let depression take that away from me.

It’s a very odd combination to live with, that’s for sure. When I have revealed to people that I struggle with depression, spent time in therapy, and toyed with the idea of taking antidepressants for quite some time, they’re usually surprised. I don’t mope, I still smile and appear to be genuinely happy almost all the time – and that means I can’t have depression in their eyes.

But it’s what’s going on on the inside that really matters. And that is what no one can see. They don’t see how I am when I’m by myself. They don’t see any dark thoughts. How could the idea of suicide ever enter someone’s head who is always so cheery? Well, I’m here to tell you that just because you don’t see that darkness and gloominess on the outside, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist somewhere deep on the inside.

Those who can feel the saddest and most fucked up feelings can also experience the most joyful and elated feelings. I appreciate what is around me more, and I can sympathize more with others who are in pain. Pretty much, you don’t have to appear wounded on the outside to actually be wounded on the inside. I’m happy, I’m positive, I’m optimistic, and I’m depressed. But I live with it. The world is both a beautiful yet hauntingly dark place. And we have no choice but to accept that, right? TC mark


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  • http://millionsuponmillions.wordpress.com millionsuponmillions

    Finally someone with a similar mind set! Thanks for posting :) x

  • http://bucketsandelephants.wordpress.com bucketsandelephants

    Your article really struck home with me. As someone with anxiety, your statement ” it feels as though you are constantly losing” really struck home with me. I can’t express how much I appreciate that you shared with the world. Keep being you.

  • http://zuzusite.wordpress.com zuzu74

    Really relatable. :)

  • http://aliciamblack.wordpress.com aliciamblack

    Reblogged this on aliciamblack.

  • http://emilycrout.wordpress.com emcrout

    This is incredibly relatable! Thank you so much for sharing!

  • http://stephieopolis.wordpress.com stephieopolis

    Reblogged this on Stephieopolis and commented:
    The struggle is real

  • https://sevendotx.wordpress.com/2015/08/04/coward/ Coward | Hi
  • http://daysofaugust.wordpress.com princessclauie

    Indeed true!

  • http://dearmitchbakitanosinosaanpaano.wordpress.com heylilmitch

    Reblogged this on dearmitchbakitanosinosaanpaano and commented:
    Stuck. Stranded. But somehow, curious and excited about every day—that is what it’s like for me.

  • http://rubbersouls.wordpress.com rubbersouls

    Reblogged this on i try to be honest.

  • https://iamchubbycheeks.wordpress.com/2015/08/05/16/ iamchubbycheeks
  • http://mariefoi.wordpress.com Ria Luna de Anda

    Reblogged this on the beauty disease.

  • https://intomyfrequency.wordpress.com/2015/08/16/what-its-like-to-be-optimistic-and-depressed-at-the-same-time/ What It’s Like To Be Optimistic And Depressed At The Same Time | "All of life is a coming home."
  • http://locolivia.wordpress.com/ olivia

    Reblogged this on olivia in la la land and commented:
    Upon hearing the recent passing (and consequently the loss of a person who I’m told was a beautiful girl with such a kind and caring soul with a smile that could light up a room), a friend asked me this:

    “how could someone so beautiful with so much talent want no part of this life?”

    I responded with this:

    “what people see in you can be different to what you see in yourself”

    Now, I don’t know the reasons for this beautiful girl to take her own life, however I do know what it’s like to feel that way. The reasons may not be the same, but the feelings can be similar.

    Another friend sent me this link a couple of weeks ago, and due to the recent events, I felt it necessary to post here. Please have a read, because depression does not often appear what most people would assume it looks like.

    Depression shouldn’t be a forbidden topic that is kept hush hush and swept under the rug. It needs to be addressed and dealt with in order to stop it taking more lives.

    And just remember…sometimes, people with the most beautiful smiles, can be hurting the most.

  • http://www.hirondelle09.wordpress.com hirondelle09

    Reblogged this on A restless ocean heart and commented:
    Thought this was interesting and I can definitely relate to a lot of it.

  • http://thawingtoashes.wordpress.com dee ∞

    Reblogged this on forevertoashes and commented:
    “There is a permanent sadness lingering in the back of my mind. But I’ve learned to live with it.” I never really thought about it before, but this is somewhat how it is for me too. :(

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