“Narcissist” seems to be one of those trendy new personality labels we like to slap on people who are difficult to get along with and self-involved. People can be self-centered and even completely selfish without being true narcissists. If you have ever had a close relationship with a narcissist, you will have no trouble coming up with a million more key traits to add to this list. The key indicator that I have found is a complete lack of humility or empathy. They don’t simply act like they are superior to others, they truly believe it in their minds. They will bulldoze over anyone who disagrees with them or steps in their way if it doesn’t suit their immediate needs.
Here are the top 10 signs that you have found yourself dealing with a true narcissist:
1. The ego is prioritized above all else. They have the utmost sense of self-importance. Nothing is more important than maintaining their perfect persona and image. They will spend all of their money, time, and energy on making themselves look good to others. They are experts at manipulating people to believe they truly care, when in reality they are solely focused on boosting their own ego.
2. They are preoccupied with fantasies about their superiority to others. They always know more than everyone, even subject matter experts. They will disregard facts that do not align with their own personal opinions. They do not care how little they actually know about a subject or if their opinions are even backed up by evidence. If they believe it, then they will convince you that it is true.
3. They lack all empathy. In fact, they are incapable of seeing the world through other people’s eyes. They are only concerned with how other people affect them. They only care about your feelings if they are afraid that you will express negative opinions about them. This may cause others to think less highly of them, which would be a huge blow to their ego.
4. They display a rude and arrogant attitude, especially when faced with opinions that contradict their own. This is because they truly believe their opinions and beliefs are superior to others. They are always right; therefore any contradiction of their own thoughts is clearly wrong. They operate with a “my way or the highway” attitude in conflict and decision making situations. Any opposing viewpoints will be met with rage and hostility.
5. They have a constant need to “prove themselves,” especially online. They carefully create their social media presence to ensure they are seen in the best light possible. They use the internet as a tool to prove to others that they are amazing people who should be respected. You will never see a sign of anything negative happening behind the scenes. This helps them create the façade that their lives and the people in them are “perfect” and that nothing is “wrong” with them.
6. Other people are not seen as individuals, but as objects existing solely to meet their own personal needs. They don’t care how their behavior or actions affect others so long as it benefits them. They use people as objects and pawns to satisfy their own personal desires. These people will ice out anyone in their life who doesn’t follow their agenda. They will go years without talking to loved ones and friends if they feel slighted.
7. They will only keep people in their inner circle who constantly praise, flatter, and agree with them. The moment you confront a narcissist is the moment they will initiate a never ending smear campaign against you to anyone who will listen. They believe people should be “kept in line” to satisfy their agenda. This means you can never disagree with them on anything.
8. They find pleasure in hurting others. They will constantly try to deplete their victims of their mental, physical, and financial resources. They will deny doing it, and insist their victims brought it upon themselves. If you tell them something they’re doing is hurting you, they will tell you that you are simply misreading the situation. They will make sure to continue doing the things you ask them not to do. This keeps you under their tight control.
9. In romantic relationships, they will make sure to immediately find a new emotional supply source once you call them out on their abuse. They will jump into their next relationship quickly. They will manipulate their new victim with their charm and extensive sob stories about their previous partner. They also begin triangulating their victims. This allows them to pit their new partner against their discarded ex to create more chaos in everyone’s lives.
10. You feel like you are walking on eggshells around them. You never know what you’re going to do or say next to set them off. They will criticize you for anything and everything to keep you under their tight control. No matter how hard you try to please them, you will never succeed. It will never be good enough for them. This is because they think they do everything the “right” and “best” way.
These people will stop at nothing to convince everyone in their lives that they are perfect and superior to others. If you’ve recently gotten out of a relationship with one, don’t get excited when they find a new supply source. As long as the new partner stays quiet and agrees with everything they say, they will continue charming the new partner until they step out of line. Chances are they will also continue to stalk and harass you for months or even years to come. This is done in an attempt to continue to try to control you and deplete you of your resources. Don’t waste your time trying to confront them with reality. They truly believe the fantasies and lies they’ve created in their own minds.
Whatever you do, never let a narcissist change how you view yourself. The reason they leeched onto you is because you possess all of the positive traits they need in a partner to prove their worth to society. Narcissists need people who are forgiving, loving, willing to compromise, and agreeable in order to cater to their endless demands and tolerate their nasty behavior.
People with low self-worth will blame themselves for a narcissist’s bad behavior instead of blaming the narcissist. This is exactly how they “hook” their partners and keep them from leaving them. Only a truly strong person can step aside from their personal feelings in order to confront a narcissist and separate themselves from the false reality the narcissist attempts to create.