What It Means To Really Love ‘The Smart Girl’

You tell her she’s not like other girls.

Then you wonder why she doesn’t take it as a compliment.

When you first meet, her aloofness is what draws you to her. The way she holds herself apart from everyone else, self-contained and self-satisfied – it’s like nothing you’ve seen before. A pure Aquarius, she opens her mouth rarely, but every time she does, it’s dead on point.

“Why speak when you have nothing to say?” she tries to explain.

This is what you dreamt of. This is what you waited for. A smart girl – not too clingy, not too emotional, but a fantastic conversationalist nonetheless. (It doesn’t hurt that she’s a great lay too.) She’s loyal, she’s got a moral compass, but there aren’t any messy conversations about feelings, no petty jealousy, no demands on your time.

Now this is something you can get used to.

Until you don’t.

Until you reach out to her one night and she has no time for you. Until you ask her to move in and you’re disappointed when she says no. Until you go out together and your mates ask you if you’ve been fighting. (You haven’t. She’s just not overtly affectionate.) You thought that you wanted a smart girl – that is, a cool one – but then you discover the truth about really loving one.

The aloofness, the deliberation, the careful sidestepping of any feelings… none of it is incidental. She’s been hurt before – opening up to an emotionally unavailable person – and she’s not too keen on being hurt again. She asks for nothing because she expects nothing.

You call that “trust issues”.

The fact of it is, it takes a lot of strength to love a smart woman. She’s not going to flatter you by asking for protection. She won’t make herself vulnerable to you. She will, quietly and fiercely, defend her independence until you can prove to her that you are an honorable person. Loving her will test you at every step, and only until you’ve confronted your own insecurities and fears will you be trusted with hers.

She doesn’t take pretty words at face value.

You have to show her she’s not like other girls.