1.

The three of us were sitting around a coffee table and everyone was on their phones — but in a way that implied everyone felt comfortable enough to be. She’d been picking away at my patience the last couple of times we hung out, which bothered me because there was such a long stretch of time where I felt very close to her. Whenever we’d hang out, just the two of us, we’d always joke about being a very dysfunctional couple on a date. Now being with her felt like an obligation. It was being stretched out, one of us had to do something. Then, looking up from her phone, she told me and our mutual friend a story of something that had actually happened to me. I think she forgot I was the one who told her, so she passed it off as her own. Look, I know that’s a stupid thing to get annoyed over, but that was the last time I made any effort to see her.

2.

He no longer felt That Way and he knew that and I knew that and the last time we saw each other was, naturally, a total disaster. I think about it all the time. I do not recommend it, as funny as it might seem on paper. E asked me why I always write about him and it’s because I love thinking about how stupid I am. Things I think about from the last time we saw each other: I drank a whole bottle of red Gatorade, his room was warm, one of his roommates had the LUSH coffee scrub in their shower.

2a.

I think this was the only one where I still dread that this was the Last Date. Whatever.

3.

We set a deadline, which might’ve been the dumbest thing I’ve ever participated in. I am incapable of thinking ahead and planning accordingly, so it only made me more anxious. I think, subconsciously, I was trying to end it sooner because I didn’t want to keep thinking, “X days left” the second I opened my eyes every morning. The last time I saw him, I was throwing piles of clothes into my backpack and ran out of his apartment holding my shoes. Three days ahead of schedule.

4.

She doesn’t know I know she lied, but I think about it every time I ignore her calls. When I see her name, I chant: She lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied. The last time I saw her we ate really good Ethiopian food and I can’t remember the name of the restaurant, which makes me even angrier.

5.

Second date — I made him go all the way to DTLA. He asked if I wanted to watch him Skype with his parents. I did consider it, but ultimately declined and left and deleted his number in the Uber home.

6.

There have been three instances where I suffered enough on my end that I thought it was fine to not have to see them ever again: One gave me tonsillitis at a Halloween party, one gave me mono for the month of July, and the last one gave me a sinus infection that was so bad, I couldn’t hear anything out of my right ear for the first week of January.