Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte
If anyone calls you “basic” over liking pumpkin flavored things, you will quietly but unflinchingly scald them with the freshly made PSL that you have in your hands at all hours. You’ll brush your teeth with pumpkin spice Crest if you want to, this is your time. You’ve just spent three months sweating through t-shirts and listening to people talk about their bikini bodies, so damn it, you will cover yourself in whipped cream and sprinkle a pinch of cinnamon on top and live your best pumpkin-centered life.
Conversations with you, like your scarf, seem to go in circles and last forever. You do that thing where you forget people can’t really read your mind and will go off on a tangent, leaving everyone in the dust and super confused as to how you jumped from Stacey talking about her childhood dog dying without her parents telling her, to you wondering aloud how exactly eyebrow threading works.
North Face Fleece
You 100% grew up in the suburbs and your parents gave you that North Face for Christmas back in, like, 2009. Every year you go through the same cycle where you think “I should really buy myself a new fleece” but you never get around to doing it. The pockets are filled with snotty tissues from three years ago, a couple of crumpled up chairlift tickets from that time you pretended you knew how to ski to impress Ryan from work, and a cherry Chapstick that is now frozen in a weird, amorphous shape.
There is no conceivable way that you slide your fingers through the impractical cut-off tips of your fingerless gloves and not think about Avril Lavigne’s “Sk8r Boi.” Anytime your friends meet up with you, you’re into a new “thing.” Currently, it’s something like rock climbing (“Actually, haha, we just call it climbing“) or making ceramics because you really want to start a personalized floral arrangement company. Whatever it is, your friends hate it.
Unhinged Smile, Eyes Rolling Into Back Of Head Out Of Excitement
LOOK AT THE TREES! YOU CAN START DESCRIBING THINGS AS “CRISP” AGAIN! You’re so excited that you bought tea from Whole Foods so you could potentially drink it while reading a book near a window somewhere. In reality, that Spiced Dragon Red Chai you bought will be sitting in one of your cupboards for years—but that doesn’t stop you from gazing at it lovingly every time you push it aside so you can grab your organic off-brand goldfish.
Breaking Up With Your Summer Fling
It was hard telling Mark that while you enjoyed meeting his parents at the end of July, you have morphed overnight (specifically the night of September 21st) into a whole new being. Like, Mark, it’s fucking fall now. Everything that just happened the past three or four months is irrelevant because the leaves are falling.
And even though you just broke up with Mark, you dive into relationships fast. You’re a serial dater and you feel uncomfortable being single. Actually, you really feel uncomfortable being alone at all. You need constant attention and social stimulation or else you might be left alone with your thoughts and that is scarier than any other Halloween horror.
You’ve already peaked.
Instagrammed Tree Leaves
You’re one of those people who loves the idea of love, but once you’re into it with someone, you’re immediately like: “oh, nope, absolutely not.” That’s why your Instagram feed is populated by ever-so-slightly unfocused pictures of nature and screenshots of poetry you’ve written on your Notes app. You have a lot of ferns in your apartment and crave so desperately to live like Summer in 500 Days of Summer, but you’re kinda more of a Tom. You’ve been in your Quarter Life Crisis since you turned 20.
“October” Scented Candle
You’re that friend that is always like “Guys, I am such a trainwreck”—but you actually do have your life together and everything is going fine; you just want to be relatable and want to have those interesting stories, à la Amy Schumer or Bridget Jones.