What actually makes a man husband or boyfriend material? These four traits are astoundingly rare, yet these are exactly the traits you want to look for if you’re looking for a high-quality man.
A genuine provider mindset that stems from an authentic desire to see you happy, rather than love bombing or entitlement.
There’s nothing sexier than a guy who says, “I’ve got this,” when it comes to paying the bill, or offering a solution to your problems, from a place of genuine generosity and wanting to make his girlfriend or wife happy, rather than to love bomb you or due to a sense of, “You owe me.” In fact, high-quality men would be ashamed not to give to the women they’re courting, and often practice this provider mindset throughout marriage. This is not just about money or materialism: genuine generosity can signal whether a man will be emotionally stingy in the relationship. The entitled man who practices a “50-50” mindset pays for dinner or romances a woman expecting sex in return (this type of man is the real “gold digger” of society, given that we live in a patriarchal one where women take a risk any time they go out on a date) has skewed values, while the genuinely generous man can’t wait to see you enjoying yourself as he romances you. When you’re with an authentically generous man, you’ll never have to see the bill and you’ll never have to worry about small inconveniences. They anticipate your problems even before you’ve thought about how to solve them. If you tell a generous man that you’re having trouble starting your car, they’re already on their way to you as your special form of Triple A. If you tell them you’re sick, they’re already having everything you need delivered to you without you asking. This generosity extends to how he treats you emotionally too: men who are authentically generous are giving in other aspects of their lives, affectionate, attentive, good in bed, and they make the best fathers.
He is laser-focused on you in healthy ways, and his loyalty is driven by who he is, not a lack of options.
The high-quality man is not a man without options – he often has it in spades. The difference is, unlike a low-quality man, he’s not chasing after validation outside of the relationship nor does he indulge in having a wandering eye, because he already knows his wife or girlfriend is the one for him and appreciates how irreplaceable and remarkable you are. Yet it’s not just his love for you that prevents him from cheating – it’s his core character as a trustworthy man. He simply doesn’t care to cheat on anyone or hurt anyone. He respects women on a deep level and does not engage in activities that may seem shady, such as emotional affairs, social media indiscretions, “girl best friends,” flirtations, or attempts to make you jealous. He cares about what makes you comfortable and will opt out of interactions he senses you feel tense about. He will never gaslight or invalidate you about your gut instincts, anxiety, or emotions in general. He cherishes your beauty, humor, intelligence, multifacetedness, and uniqueness. To him, his wife or girlfriend is his “number one,” and he’s never going to make you compete or compare. Low-quality men fail to appreciate magnificent women; high-quality men are their biggest fans.
Curiosity about what sparks joy in you and support of your dreams and interests.
The most insecure, low-quality, underachieving men are often the ones professing, “I don’t care about a woman’s achievements,” loudly and proudly because they know the women they date easily surpass them in success and they don’t want to feel emasculated. A curious man is a deeply interested and thoughtful man, one who carefully takes the time to get to know your passions, ambitions, goals, hobbies, interests, personality, likes, dislikes – not to use that information against you, but to better understand how to bring greater joy into your life. They give you healthy praise about your achievements and demonstrate genuine awe and admiration of your talents and strengths. They are your biggest cheerleader, and that is exactly how a loving husband should be. Celebrating that new promotion? They’ll take you out to dinner to celebrate or bring you flowers. They’ll plan thoughtful gifts and gestures based on your interests and hobbies. Told them you love running outdoors, but can’t stand the heat? They’ve already packed a backpack filled with all the essentials for your next morning run. High-quality men take in what you tell them carefully, and they actually apply it to strengthen the relationship and uplift you on a consistent basis.
Empathy, integrity, and open communication.
Society often tells women to communicate openly about their needs, but it never takes into consideration that many women often over-communicate with their husbands and boyfriends, often to no avail. That’s because a man doesn’t listen to words, he listens to actions. With a high-quality man, there will never be the need to over-explain because he already understands immediately what needs to be done to fix any problem, being the natural problem-solver that he is. In fact, he doesn’t create problems in the first place to have to discuss because he has integrity and acts with good character. A man who is open and empathic with just the right amount of tact is a special unicorn. He is consistently loving and respectful beyond the honeymoon stage of the relationship. He cares about your feelings and knows how to treat you well even during times of potential conflict. He is open to talking things out rather than letting things fester; he is emotionally intelligent and mature. His words match his actions, and he never becomes a different person just because he didn’t get what he wanted; his dignity and integrity remain intact. His communication never veers on cruelty, contempt, or a need to downplay or diminish you – he anticipates what will hurt you and goes out of his way to avoid it. His ego is not easily bruised by healthy feedback and thus he does not lash out when he is presented with being held accountable. He is willing to look at his own flaws and shortcomings honestly and with a willingness to always become a higher version of himself. This is a man who holds himself accountable for being a better man, even when he is already the best of the best.
