1. You will always be stupidly adorable.
2. If you’re like me, you will have tiny feet, and be able to buy child sized sneakers, which are substantially cheaper than adult sized sneakers.
3. When you’re playing sports, your opponent, the one with the ball, won’t see you coming UNTIL IT’S TOO FUCKING LATE.
4. In crowds you can slip into tiny nooks, meaning you’ll always be able to tetris your way into a subway seat or snake your way through a throng of people to the front of a concert.
5. Everyone will think you’re 17 even when you’re 35. Shortness = perpetual youth.
6. You can be lazy as fuck because you can’t reach that thing on the shelf up there, so someone else has to get it.
7. If you’re a girl, there’s an overwhelming number of men who are taller than you, and who doesn’t like slotting perfectly into the nook of a good spoon? (Blah, blah feminism, equality, yadda, yadda, sometimes a girl just wants to be swaddled in the arms of a big huge man, OK? And it’s easier if you’re small to begin with).
8. If you’re a dude, you probably have a big dick. I’ve known a few short guys in my time…
9. You can hide in a really small, innocuous space where a normal human wouldn’t fit, and REALLY scare someone when you jump out.
10. You can wear the tallest heels you want without ever feeling “too tall”.
11. There will be lots of situations where tall people have to bend over to not hit their head, but you’ll be able to remain upright without bumping into anything. Subsequently, you will be GREAT at limbo.
12. At standing room only events, tall people will willingly let you go in front of them until eventually every tall person has exhausted their generosity and you get to the front, amongst your own kind.
13. Sale racks are always full of sample sized shit which, I’ve learned, it doesn’t matter if you’re a bit round, because you’re short the proportions will generally work out pretty OK.
14. Looking up at people makes you look fragile and totally not guilty.
15. People are always looking down at you, which is a good angle for looking thin. Also you can put on a few extra pounds on your bottom half and no one will be the wiser cos all they can see from their taller vantage point is your head, shoulders and chest.
16. You will become very fit as you learn to power walk to keep up with the strolling pace of your tall friends.
17. No one will ever think you’re weak or uncoordinated for not being able to do a physical thing, like climbing tall objects.
18. Children will think you’re one of them and give you sparkly stickers and invite you to wear the extra pair of butterfly wings while you finger paint.
19. You were probably in the front row of your class photo in school. In the front you will NEVER BE FORGOTTEN.
20. You can say things like “Kylie Minogue is 5”2 too!”