30 Things I Assume All Adults Just Have

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I can’t decide if I’m an adult or not yet, and most of my indecision comes down to the fact that when I think of adults, I think of them having a bunch of stuff that I just don’t have.

1. A draw full of Lululemon and North Face for spontaneous hiking/camping/outdoorsiness.

2. A garlic smoosher thing.

3. A cold cuts draw that is perpetually crammed with cheeses and cured meats.

4. An inherent knowledge of how to use different herbs.

5. The perfect stern-but-kind-and-patient voice to use with the National Grid person over the phone.

6. A distaste for McDonalds, even at the airport.

7. A wrapping paper drawer.

8. And a gift closet.

9. A liquor cabinet that includes aperitifs and digestifs, not just cheap vodka.

10. ANSWERS, DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!

11. A solid collection of Christmas albums.

12. The ability to stay awake at the opera.

13. No opinion on the Kardashians, including no friends with whom they sit around ranking the Kardashians from favorite to least favorite.

14. Stamps.

15. Coffee table books.

16. A coffee table.

17. The willpower to not fidget endlessly when bored.

18. Copious amounts of throw pillows.

19. Many pairs of sensible shoes.

20. The patience to look enthused and interested in something that is just dead fucking boring.

21. An understanding how how a pension scheme works.

22. A good set of knives.

23. A refusal to engage in Twitter politics.

24. At least one outfit that is normal looking enough to wear to court.

25. More than one set of sheets.

26. A general indifference to when the next Buffy comic comes out.

27. The desire to show people a slide show of “holiday snaps” and describe every photo in excruciating detail.

28. The ability to bite their tongue when someone is saying something that is obviously wrong, but that can be wrong without repercussion, and just allow conversation to flow without unnecessary conflict.

29. A complete set of tools that is more than just 2 hammers and a screw driver kept in a pile of other crap under the sink.

30. No desire to marathon watch TV shows in bed for a whole weekend.