I was recently on a date with a guy who was very lovely, but not particularly switched on. As I sat across from him with my chin in my palm, trying to think of topics of conversation that he might actually be able to partake in, I mentally shook my fist at all the smart men who aren’t interested in dating smart women.
Ideally, there’s a certain type of man I’d like to date: one with a broad knowledge about the world, politically and environmentally, someone who reads books and watches movies, someone who cares to learn more about the things he doesn’t know about, and who also has the means and inclination to speak and and argue critically across a wide range of topics. Not necessarily even someone who is educated – just someone who is interested in the things happening around them. I was brought up with my step dad saying to me every day, “There are no uninteresting things, just disinterested people,” and I guess I’d like to become romantically involved with someone who has an equal passion for knowledge (daddy complex, etc.).
I don’t think this is a stretch. Generally, we look for people, in both romance and friendship, who complement our personalities, people with whom time spent feels enriching. And given that I spend a lot of my time absorbed in reading, research, writing, and getting drunk and yelling about the abysmal state of health care in America or how Jennifer Aniston is an underrated comic actress because people only care about her body, it’s fitting that I’d be interested in someone with similar proclivities. Someone who cares about the impact of things as they pertain to the world at large.
But when you’re an obnoxious, must always be right, argumentative type of woman who knows a lot of things about a lot of things, it’s painfully difficult to find a man that is interested in talking to you. Especially a smart guy. A very intelligent male friend recently told me, “there’s just something about a stupid girl, like you can protect them or something. They’re cuter.” I mentally spewed all over humanity.
I don’t want to discount women who aren’t academically inclined because this isn’t about putting one group of women down, or suggesting that one type of woman is is superior to another–obviously there’s a whole array of qualities that make a person wonderful. And that’s fine. What my beef is specifically about, is that “smart” is often considered an undesirable quality in a woman (which ultimately, does put one group of woman down). I, for one, am getting sick of men’s eyes glazing over the second the conversation moves vaguely near a world event. Or smart men fobbing me off to drool over busty babes who thought Hitler was still alive, like you know, hiding out with Tupac in Egypt or something.
Why wouldn’t you want to engage with someone who has interesting perspectives and opinions that either challenge or extend your own? I get tired of stupid men very quickly, and overall, I’d like to hang out with smart dudes over dumb ones. But when the shoe is on the other foot, apparently being a smart woman is a debilitating affliction – smart guys just don’t want to date smart girls.