The Absence Of Missing You

I am learning that there is nothing to miss but your absence. I have to love you from a distance because you were never meant to be mine. I am learning that nostalgia from missing you doesn’t mean I want you back. As much as I wished you could have mine, you had to leave for the better. Losing you made me learn to choose myself for once; it was not worth giving every inch of myself to those who take but never give anything in return.

I am letting you go because I have abandoned myself by loving you more than I should have; I forgot to spare even an ounce of love for myself. I have to let you go because loving you is a cryptic cycle; you gave me the empty illusion that loving you more deeply would make you stay, but staying was never an option.

For too long, I always thought that losing you would mean losing myself, so I clung to you in fear. How naïve was I to believe you could complete me, that we could be everlasting as one. Sometimes, I wonder what would happen if we had never met. Maybe I would’ve never planted a whole universe within you instead of myself.

You came into my life like a hurricane, throwing me into the trenches of you and leaving me impairable. I remember how foolish I was for thinking that you would be the one to keep me safe when I was engulfed in your violent waves. I remember how foolish I was trying to keep myself afloat to savage our love. I remember how foolish I was trying to scream your name within your currents trying to fight for us. I remember how foolish I was for thinking you would save me. How foolish was I to think that we could repair the love we once had.