This Is Why I’m ‘Hard To Love’

I have been told that I am hard to tame.

I have been told that I’m ‘afraid of love’ or afraid of commitment or a ‘rebel’ because I don’t value getting married above anything else. I’m not that reckless. I can’t conform to a timeline that doesn’t conform to the nuance of what love really is without all the pretense.

It’s not that I want to be hard to love. That’s the opposite of reality. What I want more than anything is to love hard and deeply. I want to give everything of myself into another person. I want to be selfless, I find wholeness in giving myself to another person.

The problem is that it can’t just be anyone.

I don’t know how I ended up as the last person in this generation with high standards, but here I am. I have to wait. I have to wait for someone who’s worthy. I have to wait for someone whom I’m happy to give things up for, to make sacrifices for, to cherish.

I have walls, but I’ve built them for a reason. I’m waiting for the person who is worth taking them down for. I cannot settle for a man who is passive, I need strength. I need someone who will do the work of earning the right to take them down. I’ve earned the right to wait until I see this.