1. Group message is the bane of your existence.
Chances are, GroupMe and group message in general are foreign concepts. When you do receive group texts, it is a full-on meteor shower of messages in your inbox. You ask God to make it stop but s/he just laughs.
2. Being the butt of technology jokes.
People always urge you to get a smart phone or joke about the fact you do not have one and you’re thinking, “UM, HI. Get that peer pressure of yours and back up up up and away.” Even though your friends know you would get a smart phone if you could or even if wanted to, they continue with their playful witticisms.
3. Your photos are of a lower caliber.
Everyone enjoys a good photo because it’s documentation of a memory you wish to keep. However, when compared to the photos your friend’s phones take, your memory looks like Salvador Dalí’s, Landscape Near Figueras (he was six years old, but still). As a result, you begin to act like a parent whose kid is in the school play. You know, the one that’s not that great at acting but somehow you still feel pride over their performance.
4. You have been accused of being an old person.
Let me ask the question, why is being an elderly person an insult? Unless people are saying you’re wise and adorable and make the best cookies in the whole wide world, you do not need that kind of negativity in your life. And let’s be honest, some elderly people can operate technological devices better than you.
5. Not being able to do certain tasks as quickly.
You can’t send or receive emails from your phone, and FaceTime is out of the question. So, you have to wait until you get home, plug up your laptop, wait for what feels like a million years for it to power up and THEN (finally) do what you need to do.
6. Not having access to certain social media sites.
Snapchat? Instagram? You have been constantly asked why you don’t have one. You give the same response and people just keep forgetting.
Them: follow me on IG!
You: Well, I don’t have one.
Them: OMG, you should get one.
You: I don’t have a smartphone…
Them: OMG, you should get one!
You: * bangs head against a wall *
In that moment you realize that life is more than Snapchat and Instagram butttttttttt if given the opportunity, you’d probably have one.
7. Your phone is more susceptible to break.
Otter Box? NOPE. Lifeproof? NOPE. Sandwich bag? * ding ding ding * we have a winner! If you drop your phone on a pebble, you’re screwed. In the toilet? Done for. Apparently, phone companies could care less about your phone’s well-being…
8. If you don’t have a Tom-Tom or Garmin, you have to use a map or ask for directions.
When you get lost, you use the instincts our ancestors had. You know, the ones that we’ve only heard about in our bedtime stories. You find your way by asking another person, using a map, or just guessing. You, my friend, are a modern day explorer.
9. You didn’t choose the potato phone life, it chose you.
Chances are you may be short on finances, prefer to live a life of simplicity, or have a natural distaste for technology. Maybe all three. Either way, you have what you have and there is no changing it for the time being.
10. You are a minimalist at heart.
You do not really need a lot to be satisfied and appreciate what you do have. It may be inconvenient at times to own a “regular” phone but you wouldn’t want it any other way (until, ya know…you get a bigger paycheck).