Dating is hard for everyone, but there is a particular type of girl who attracts the wrong type of guy over and over again. She’s the type who often finds herself with mascara-stained tears running down her face after trusting yet another asshole with her heart.
If you constantly find yourself claiming that your single status is due to the lack of good men around, it is time to reevaluate why that may be. Of course it is easier to lay blame on the opposite sex for their inability to commit, but it is often your own behavior that results in you dating one bad boy after another.
We may not be able to change our environment and the douchebags that surround us. However, we do have the ability to change our behavior, our choices, and the ways we react.
Start 2015 with a clean slate and an open heart to finally attract the love into your life that you’ve been waiting for. Here are fifteen ways to attract a good guy and keep him.
1. Don’t play games.
You act like you’re not interested in him but then get mad when he doesn’t call. Men aren’t mind readers. If you want a good guy to stick around, you have to let him know that.
2. Give the guy a real chance instead of keeping your options open.
Between Facebook, Instagram, and Tinder, we all have endless access to see what else is out there. But if you want a new relationship to flourish, put down your phone and focus on one man at a time.
3. Don’t Instagram pictures that you should be texting instead.
You post pictures of yourself in a Brazilian bikini with your ass in the air or lingerie selfies as a way to get a man’s attention, and yet shockingly he doesn’t want to date you? Unless your job requires you to be in lingerie and post about it on Instagram, then posting private, provocative images could make you come across as insecure. If you were in a loving relationship, chances are those images would be saved for private conversations with your man.
4. Respect yourself.
If you don’t respect yourself, how do you expect the guy to respect you? Anyone who is worth dating will appreciate a girl who knows her own worth and doesn’t settle for anything short of amazing. If you’re trying to find a good guy by getting wasted every night and dancing with your skirt over your head, chances are that only douchebags will come knocking at your door.
5. Tell him how you feel, not what you think he wants to hear.
“I don’t want a relationship” is what you tell him. “I wonder how long it will take before he makes it official?” is what you’re actually thinking. If you tell a man that you don’t want anything serious, then he will take that at face value. That doesn’t mean that you should start rambling about your dream wedding and how cute your kids will be on the first date. However, it does mean that you should see how things progress naturally before deciding where you want the relationship to go. The only way a healthy relationship can function is if you’re both on the same page.
6. Be vulnerable.
It’s OK to admit to a guy that you’ve been hurt in the past and aren’t looking for a casual hookup. If this scares a guy off, then he wasn’t right for you in the first place. A good guy will value your feelings and it will only bring the two of you closer together.
7. Don’t compete with him.
If he goes out, do you also have to? If he didn’t message you all night, do you wait even longer to not message him? A relationship will never move along smoothly if you play the dating game like an ego-driven chess match. If you really want to be in a meaningful relationship then it is important to be open and honest without competing with your man.
8. Respect him and his time.
Don’t make plans and cancel at the last minute. He went out of his way to ask you out, so follow through. Unless there is a real emergency you should always make an effort for the guy that makes an effort for you. Those are the ones you want to be dating, not the one’s that make you grovel for their time and attention.
9. Don’t punish him for the mistakes of those who came before him.
Most people have been hurt in the past, but carrying that baggage into your new relationship can sabotage it. For example, if your ex cheated on you and you start projecting your trust issues onto your new guy because of it, you will drive him away. Checking his phone when he’s not looking, getting mad when he doesn’t call back right away or assuming he’s going to dinner with a girl when he says he’s going with a friend is a way of setting the relationship up for failure.
10. Be honest about yourself.
Embrace your individuality instead of changing yourself to meet the expectations of a guy that you just met. A good guy will love the person that you truly are and not the carefully constructed version of yourself that you have represented to him. If you lie about yourself to appear more desirable, remember the truth always has a way of coming out.
11. If you invite him to go out with you, make him feel comfortable.
If you have an event and invite the guy as your Plus One, make sure you act like you want him there. No doubt he’s a big boy and will be fine if you split up to work the room for a little while, but it’s important to make your date feel welcome. Ditching a guy at a party where you invited him is a quick way to lose a good guy.
12. Be compassionate.
Being nice goes a long way. If your new man is having a rough day, show your support instead of acting disinterested. All too often we’re caught up in playing it cool, and we forget about the little things like being there for someone and listening, which can make the biggest difference.
13. Create new memories together instead of bringing up old ones with ex-boyfriends.
Sure, we all have ex boyfriends that meant a lot to us, but constantly bringing them up will only make the new man in your life uncomfortable. If you’re always talking about your exes, it will seem that you’re not making any room for the good guy in your life, so it becomes likely he won’t stick around for very long.
14. Have your own life.
Having your own life is an incredibly attractive quality that will have the good guys flocking to you. Only an insecure man will want a woman who doesn’t have her own thing going on so that she becomes dependent on him. But the good guy loves the woman that is totally fine on her own and content with her life whether she is single or in a relationship.
15. Be confident.
If you’re a confident female, then no guy will be able to walk all over you because you would never stand for that. Any bad boy you meet will most likely be frightened by your confidence, whereas a good guy will be drawn to you and admire it.