Raise your hand if you have ever been the kind of person to let things pass you by because you were too afraid what other people would think.

*RAISES HAND*

I can guarantee I am not the only person holding my hand up right about now but the important thing is that we realize what we are doing and change. Growing and learning who you are is a long process, but when you start to see confident changes within yourself, you will be a hell of a lot happier. I promise you.

1. You do what you want, when you want.

Let me tell you about the beauty in this. Once I stopped caring what everyone thought, I started to do what I really wanted to do. This applies with literally everything.  I personally chose not to rush into college and it made some people think less of me or even upset. I didn’t care because I was living for myself.  Another example: Sometimes I literally walk around my house with no pants,  a glass of wine in one hand and a bowl of Halo Top ice cream in the other. Why? The real question is who is going to stop me? I also learned to budget my time and saying no to things because well, I just don’t want to do them.  I am the one who has to live with my decisions more than anyone else so I’m sure as hell not going to allow myself to be unhappy. We tend to get so overwhelmed with other people’s opinions; we forget to do what is best for us. Don’t take your passion for granted. Find it and pursue the shit out of it.

2. You take no shit.

This tends to be difficult because society teaches us that as women it is not our place to be too vocal or upfront about things. Thankfully, as time goes by, the media experiences strong women standing up and speaking out more than ever. These women show us that it’s more than okay for us to say what exactly is on our mind.  I know for me personally, I was extremely timid until I hit my mid-twenties. I think the fact that my roommate was in her thirties and extremely blunt helped me learn to take no shit. It was a slow process that started with me slowly starting to speak out when my feelings were hurt. Then I learned to say no. Pretty soon, I got to the point where I would stand up for myself in a split second.  I am told I can be quite intimidating now but I would rather know that people think twice before messing with me than thinking it’s okay to treat me with anything other than respect. It’s a beautiful thing when you can say you know your self-worth.

3. You find a healthy routine.

I’m not saying that your whole life should be routine and you need to lack adventure. However, I am saying that you need to find a routine that keeps you in a healthy place. Find time to exercise or meal prep as best as possible.  Maybe you schedule Sunday’s as your relaxation day. Whatever it is, do the things you have to do. Make sure you stay healthy mentally and physically.

4. You take control of your love life.

Maybe you are interested in someone who isn’t your “norm” or somebody your friends and family won’t approve of. Let me just say this, who the hell cares? It’s not their life and at this point if you don’t put yourself first, who will? Exactly! Nobody. So enjoy all the opportunities you get and just live your life. Have fun and never regret something that at one time made you happy. I’m 28 and have never been in a relationship and I constantly get feedback from everyone who thinks they know what is best for me. I finally had to tell people that if I want to date someone I will. If I want to sleep with someone, I will. It’s my body, my life and ultimately my choice.

5. You cheer on other women.

We are raised in a society that makes us feel like other women are the competition. Which is all bullshit. The only thing you are competing against is who you were yesterday. When you realize that you can work with and not against other women, your life not only becomes easier, it becomes so much brighter with the friends you make. If you tend to feel jealous or inferior, take some time to write out your best attributes and the three things you want to work on and start making a game plan. If you are too busy making changes in your own life, you will learn to let the jealousy and harsh feelings pass.

6. You find strength in your independence.

We all love the opportunity to be spoiled and have things handed to us. The older we get and the harder we work, the more we appreciate our independence and the fact that we have exactly what we worked for.  You don’t need to seek approval for things because if you want it, you just get it. You have goals and you strive to meet them. You no longer feel the need to dull your sunshine to not outshine other people.  You my friend are an independent bad-ass.  Welcome to the tribe.