Every Useful Thing My Therapist Has Ever Told Me

1.    It’s okay to disappoint your parents. It’s not okay to disappoint yourself.

2.    Don’t believe everything you read in self-help books. They’re simply guidelines, not the map to your happiness. That is something you create on your own.

3.    If you want to cry in your car on your way to work, then cry in your car on the way to work.

4.    You are doing so much better than you think.

5.    You care so much about what these people think, but what do you think of them? Do you even like them?

6.    You don’t just suddenly love your body when you’re skinny.

7.    He doesn’t know how to love you and it’s not your job to teach him.

8.    We all do bad things—the point is to learn the lessons from doing these bad things. Regretting them does nothing. Apologizing doesn’t mean anything unless you have actually learned from the problem.

9.    You can’t love someone without loving yourself. You can have a relationship, of course. You can be infatuated with someone, but if you don’t love yourself you will never know how to properly love another.

10.  It becomes a problem when you use the substance to fill a void.

11.  Sometimes we have to ignore our minds and listen to our bodies instead.

12.  You don’t have to end up like your parents.

13.  We all have our own strengths. You’re a writer, so don’t compare yourself to a painter. And when you compare yourself to another writer, find inspiration—not criticism.

14.  Your kindness will get you further than anger ever will.

15.  Letting someone walk all over you is a disservice to both you and them.

16.  Write every day and years from now, read it all to see how much you’ve grown.

17.  You can’t force someone to feel something for you. You deserve someone who feels that way all on their own, without you having to convince them.

18.  There will be days that you can’t get out of bed and sometimes it’s better that you don’t.

19.  The more you focus on the negative, the more negative you will see.

20.  Listening to music is a form of meditation.

21.  It’s okay to go at your own pace, as long as you’re still moving.

22.  Let people be miserable. It’s not up to you to alter their moods. Just make sure they don’t alter yours.

23.  Sometimes getting up to shower is the biggest accomplishment you make in a day and that is something to celebrate.

24.  Your flaws make you who you are. Perfect people are boring.

25.  I promise your reality can be just as interesting as the scenarios you make up in your head. You just have to put in the effort to create it that way.

26.  There will be times that your job is boring. There will be times that your relationship is boring. That doesn’t mean you should move onto another job or another person. It takes a personal effort to make the things in your life more interesting.

27.  I’m not here to save you. I’m here to help you save yourself.

28.  People will care if you’re not around.

29.  Other women are not your competition. They are your allies.

30.  Once you accept yourself for who you are, other people’s opinions won’t even matter.