I am NOT going to try and make you feel good in a superficial way about being single …but going to show you why being single for a long time is a genuine positive that can (and should) be taken advantage of.
While being single for a long time is generally thought of as a negative (and it can certainly feel that way when your friends are getting hooked up and getting married) …being single can actually be a very positive thing in several different ways. And it’s important you are aware of these positives so that you can take full advantage of them. Let’s now look at what these are…
Some (or all) of the following may apply to you. With regard to the ones which don’t, you should try to take advantage of them now in your situation if you have been single for an extended period of time:
1. You’ve Got Your Priorities Straight.
Too many people enter relationships just for the sake of “being with someone”. They want someone for valentines day, or to go to parties or weddings with. Very often then, for one reason or another, they find they can’t leave that relationship and end up marrying that person – someone who they never really loved in the first place. Being single for a long time is a sign you are not going to sacrifice short time pleasure (i.e. having someone on valentines day just for the sake of it) over someone you really want to be with. It’s a sign you are someone who has their priorities straight. You are putting finding the RIGHT partner …ahead of superficial things like having a date for the next wedding you attend just for the sake of having a date.
2. Past Relationships Have Time To Fade Away.
Past relationship baggage can affect a persons mentality to the point where it often damages the next relationship they enter. I once had a girlfriend who started dating me 2 weeks after breaking up with her boyfriend of 5 years. It was obvious she hadn’t got over him and was needy and clingy to the point where I ended the relationship after only 10 days. The longer the time span between a relationship that has just ended (and that has affected you badly) and a new one, the more likely it is that old baggage will be left firmly in the past where it belongs. The longer you have been single and less in need of jumping into a relationship (any relationship) is a good indicator that any old relationship that may have affected you …has begun to wear off you and you are no longer as bothered by it as you once were.
3. You’ll Find Yourself.
Very often we hear of people taking a year out to “find themselves” where they take a career break or travel around the world. Finding yourself like this is an important thing to do, as modern society is often trying to brainwash us into being something and someone else other than whom we are. What is not so well known is that being single for a long time is an even more effective way to find yourself than taking a year out like this. When we are in a relationship, our partners interests and personality influence us in ways we don’t realize. It is only when you are single for a long time that you find out how you like to do things, what your real interests are and what you don’t want in your life. Knowing these things will mean you have a clearer idea of what you do and don’t want in a future life partner …meaning you will be more likely to pick a future life partner who is more suitable for you.
4. You’ll Be A Less Codependent Person.
If you’ve been single for a long time, you’ll be skilled at being independent. This means you’re well used to doing things by yourself at this stage. This is a positive thing that will make your next relationship healthier. It means you won’t be relying on your partner for every single thing you do. Your next partner will be thankful for this even if they don’t realise it. People who are too dependent on their partners are not fun people to be in relationships with …making their chances of being dumped significantly higher than would otherwise be the case.
5. Being Mentally Ready Increases Success.
Let’s face it – you want the next relationship you enter to be the one which leads to marriage and kids. Am I right? So you will want to be as mentally and emotionally prepared before you enter it so that you not only pick the right person (as opposed to just any person), but also prepared for all the highs and lows that naturally come along with all relationships. Preparation like this though …takes time. Being single for a long time can allow you prepare mentally like this by finding out what you really want and need in your next relationship …as opposed to simply getting into a relationship because everyone else around you is in one. The reality is these other people might be in relationships that are not right for them, and they don’t realize it yet. So don’t fall into the trap of being jealous of them!
When is being single for a long time a bad thing?
In short, if you haven’t been taking advantage of the above, then the time you spend single might be going to waste. For example, with regard to co-dependency, have you been learning to do things and make decisions by yourself? …Or do you rely on friends of family too much for these things? If so, when you enter a relationship you might simply transfer your dependency on your friends and family straight onto your new partner …and that would not make for a healthy relationship. You should work on removing your dependency right now when you are single, not bring it into your next relationship.