The Truth About Sex In Relationships (Hint: It’s Not As Important As You Think It Is)

Twenty20, marishkakuroedova
Twenty20, marishkakuroedova

I get emails from people from time to time questioning if there is something wrong with their marriage simply because they aren’t having as much sex as they used to.

Now, it’s a perfectly natural thing to worry about …but if a reduction in sex is the ONLY thing that is “wrong” with your marriage, then there is really nothing wrong at all.

How can I be so sure?

Well a recent study conducted on reveals something about sex which the rom-coms would like to have you thinking otherwise on.

What did it reveal?

The study showed that on average, only 1 in 4 people would end a relationship because of “bad” sex. Which means that 3 in 4 people don’t feel “bad” sex is …well …all that bad.

…Which is something that at first thought sounds odd, but in actuality is perfectly correct.

Why does it sound odd at first thought?

Well, we have been conditioned from an early age (mostly from the media) into believing that a happy successful relationship should involve constant passionate sex. We believe we should be having sex every night …and that that sex should not only be good, but incredible.

And if it’s not…then something must be wrong.


That’s how we’ve been programmed to think. It’s not how reality actually is. The reality is that once you are married, after two or three years, the once passionate sex becomes …well …less and less passionate.

It’s still good …but we tend not to be as turned on by our partner as we once were.

And we see that even though the sex isn’t as good as it once was, we still care for and love our partner. In short, we begin to see (and accept) that the kind of infinite passionate sex couples are “supposed” to have (according to the rom-coms) …simply doesn’t exist.

And this is where REAL intimacy can begin to be built

When we realize that our marriage shouldn’t be a mirror copy of what we see on the big screen, we can truly look at our partner (and the relationship we have with them) as they are …and build the kind of intimacy that long-lasting relationships are made of.

Intimacy that is based on truth …and not a perception of truth that we have been wrongly programmed into believing we should have.

This article is not meant to be anti-rom coms. I like rom-coms. But I would class them as my old headmaster used to say “chewing gum for the eyes”. They’re meant to entertain you …not educate you about how life should be lived.

John Alex Clark is a Relationship & Life Coach. He is the founder of the website Relationship Psychology.

Keep up with John Alex on Twitter and Website

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