Enthusiastically helping me research a story is a very easy way to endear yourself to me. So naturally after that I wanted to gay-marry Danny, though I ended up abandoning that first Flat Earth story before it got anywhere near the writing phase. The concept of people in the modern world who genuinely believed the earth was flat was an intriguing concept in the abstract but I was having trouble finding a place to go with it, so I thanked Danny for his efforts and promised to let him know if I ever ended up doing something with the idea.
Then last week, I saw Danny’s picture attached to a Google Alert for a news report out of California that had apparently referenced his blog. He used an actual photo of himself for his profile on the site that hosted the blog and the news outlet had used that same photo for the picture that was attached to the article. Here’s an excerpt:
According to a spokesperson for Barstow PD, police were forced to open fire on 34 year-old Daniel Baily earlier today after a three-hour standoff culminated in him shooting his wife of five years, firing two rounds point-blank into her stomach before officers were able to subdue him. Mrs. Baily was eight months pregnant. Neither mother or child survived the attack.
Eye-witnesses claimed that Daniel apologized profusely to his wife beforehand and his final words were reportedly, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Jesus knew. That’s why he isn’t coming back. He couldn’t help us. No one can.”
Which brings me to what had originally been my biggest hang-up with these pesky Flat Earthers (no, not that they routinely shot unborn babies. What the fuck, man in my head?! You need help.) My beef was that most of them believed the planet being flat was also somehow proof of the existence of God, specifically as he’s known in Judeo-Christian terms. Though the Flat Earth Society may claim otherwise in their official FAQ section, stating that “Flat earth theory is neither officially nor unofficially associated with any religion.”
