This Terrifying Reason Is How I Learned To Stay The Hell Away From OKCupid

“Little bit of speed. It’ll help you get back in the mood super quick, if you’re interested…”

I shrugged. “Fuck it. I don’t have work tomorrow.”

I swallowed the pill with a sip from the water bottle beside my bed and then turned back to see Alabama grinning as she laid down beside me and spread her legs.

“While we wait for that to kick in…” She placed a hand against the back of my head and pulled me toward her well-manicured pussy as she said, “How about you tell me some more of those tongue-twisters?”

What follows should have been the typical ending to yet another mildly erotic online-dating success story. Unfortunately, it became more of an allegory for why you shouldn’t take drugs from strangers, regardless of how hot they were. The “speed” Alabama gave me caused me to black out and the next thing I remember was waking up alone in my pitch black apartment.

I was still in my bed and reached out, feeling around for the lamp. I managed to find it in the darkness but nothing happened when I turned the switch. Realizing that the power must be out, I retrieved a flashlight from the drawer of my nightstand and slowly climbed out of bed.

I was searching the floor for my clothes when everything started to come back to me. Finally, I found my underwear in a ball by the partially open bedroom door and was pulling them on when I heard Alabama whisper…

Joel?” Her voice had come from somewhere outside my bedroom.

“Alabama?” I replied as I slowly opened the door and began to scan the empty hallway with my flashlight. “Where are you?”

She let out a childish giggle that made me shiver. “Come and find me.

Like the complete dumbass that I am, I exited my bedroom and started down the hall. As I entered the den, I aimed my flashlight at the far end of the room and glimpsed a hand being yanked behind the sofa just as I caught sight of it.



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