Then I remembered that, according to the slew of “real” paranormal encounters shows which I frequently watched (hey, we all have our guilty pleasures… mine is just really silly), you’re not supposed to burn haunted Ouija boards because the element of fire actually makes malign entities stronger.
So what then? I Googled “disposing of haunted objects” on my phone and read that I should tie large stones to the VCR and toss it into a running body of water like a river or a deep stream. One site suggested filling a kiddie-pool with saltwater and submerging it in there if I couldn’t locate a suitable natural water source but I seriously doubted I would be able to explain that one to my folks.
I was searching Google Maps for the nearest river when I heard a familiar voice approaching. Brett was talking to one of his idiot friends as they sat down at the table directly behind me. “…That’s when my mother-effing mom decides to barge in without even knocking and I’m just sitting there, dick in my hand and two chicks going to town on a double-ended dildo on my computer screen.”