Method: Other
Summary: Manual, oral and/or anal.
Commentary: It is commonly agreed that the hand job is the lowest form of sex, while oral and anal is arguably its highest form. They say the brain is the largest sexual gland, and should it swell under the notion of such transgressions, then we are free to explore their boundaries. Our two “incidental” orifices, the mouth and anus, are essentially the endpoints of a long gastrointestinal tract, physiologically having little bearing on procreation; and yet, we have discovered the mouth to be more emphatic and agile than the insentient vagina, and the anus to be tighter and oddly positioned more conveniently in the implied position. It is as if God, via His intelligent design, secretly didn’t want us to make babies after all. The extinct human race, a smiley face.
Chance of pregnancy: 0.01%
Other factors: Troublesome ass-to-mouth inverse chronology; high STD-risk with anal; unsavory savory residual matter; chaffing and obtuse mechanics with hand job.
Male pleasure: ★★★★