What Your Shoes Say About You
You buy vegetables at farmer's market -- carrying their ostentatiously exposed stems and leaves in an artistic canvas tote bag purchased at Etsy -- and render them into soup that day while listening to NPR solemnly address contemporary issues.
By Jimmy Chen
You and your girlfriend live in the most liberal city of your state, where people occasionally #occupy the perimeter of a bank for Instagram material. You buy vegetables at farmer’s market — carrying their ostentatiously exposed stems and leaves in an artistic canvas tote bag purchased at Etsy — and render them into soup that day while listening to NPR solemnly address contemporary issues. You enjoy the emotional acuity of music made by other effeminate men, perhaps conveying this a little too eloquently in the comment sections of music review blogs. You and your girlfriend make single people feel bad at brunch. You may be an example of how nice guys actually do come first — as in before their girlfriends do. The earnestness in which you announce to her the imminence of your polite ecstasy has the effect of DayQuil. Have a nice life. 
