Jeremy Glass

Hanging out in the daytime.

But, when it comes to the Internet, you’re barely passing. D minus maybe.

She was my waitress at some restaurant and I jokingly left her my business card, not thinking she’d actually text me.

We can’t jump off bridges anymore because our iPhones will get ruined. We can’t take skinny dip in the ocean, because there’s no service on the beach and and adventures aren’t real unless they’re on Instagram.

A new song has hit the beloved YouTube by singer/songwriter duo, Garfunkel & Oates — and it’s about getting plowed in the bum to appease the tough rules of Christianity.

For a few months, we made the whole thing work. We set up times to call each other, I visited her, she visited me, it was fine.

John Tyler did some serious work in the White House — and I’m not talking about the 1844 Treaty of Wanghia — he fathered 15 children with two different women in his 71 years on this planet.