Why Obsessive Cleanliness Often Comes From Growing Up With Narcissistic Parents

When you grow up around control, you learn to find peace in order. Clean becomes safety.

Control in the Midst of Chaos

When you grew up in an environment that felt unstable or unpredictable, cleaning may have been the one thing you could control. The spotless counters and neatly folded clothes weren’t about perfection, it was about finding a small slice of peace in the mess of your childhood.

Coping with Anxiety

When emotions feel too heavy to hold, scrubbing or organizing can feel like relief. Making the room spotless room helps make your brain feel spotless.

Fear of Judgment

If you were criticized for making mistakes or shamed for imperfection, you may have learned to find safety in spotless surroundings. Cleanliness became your proof of worth. They say I’m this! But everything around me looks neat, so it’s okay.

Numbing Pain Through Productivity

Sometimes, busyness becomes a way to avoid feeling. Constant cleaning, planning, or organizing can keep you from facing grief or anger that feels too painful to touch. Stay busy. Never confront your thoughts.

Decluttering as a Form of Reclaiming Power

After trauma, letting go of possessions can feel like shedding pieces of the past that once suffocated you. It’s a way of saying, “That no longer owns me.”