30 Early Signs Of An Abusive Partner 

30 Early Signs Of An Abusive Partner 

Ask Reddit has some warning signs you should watch out for in relationships.

1. When you are nervous next to them and “relaxed” when not.

2. Jealousy, wanting to know your constant whereabouts.

3. Acting like they’re the only one who cares about you (to make you stay/rely on them).

4. Repeatedly bringing up the ‘favors’ they’ve done (to get you to comply).

5. Not taking no for an answer and pushing boundaries – but acting like they’re pushing you as a favor to you and it’s for your own good.

6. Controlling behavior – always assuming control, and undermining your ability to do anything yourself.

7. Gets angry and offended when confronted about their own issues and gaslights you into saying sorry or that it is YOU who has to do better in the end.

8. Making it difficult for you to meet/connect/spend time with family or friends.

9. Subtle criticism of your clothes, body, and behaviour (so you’ll be worn down and have low self-esteem because it makes you more compliant).

10. If you can’t have a mature conversation about the relationship and what you feel you need without being told you are actually the manipulative one, run because they will try to tell you that you are manipulative to manipulate you into never saying your opinion.

11. They will find ways to separate you from friends and loved ones.

12. “If you love me you’ll do ‘blank’ for me.”

13. Your feelings don’t matter, and no matter what happens, everything is your fault. You’re trying to talk about a problem and by the end of the conversation, you’re the one apologizing. My ex-boyfriend never once uttered the words, “I’m sorry” straightforwardly. If anything, it was always, “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

14. Picks fights over silly things (to test boundaries).

15. Makes promises they never keep – even the little ones (because it makes you look crazy and abusive when you get upset).

16. Controlling the income/stealing money (so you rely on them).

17. One thing I found with someone’s relationship (someone I care about) was that she’s with him because she’s afraid of what will happen to him if she leaves. So things like “I won’t ever find anyone else if you leave me” and “I’ll be depressed”, etc etc. If they are making you feel guilty for leaving, that’s not a good relationship.

18. “Look what you made me do.”

19. Never letting you educate them on things you actually know about because they think it makes them look stupid.

20. Lying. Especially lying to family members or ‘best friends’.

21. Spreading lies to those in your inner and outer circle (to isolate you).

22. When they show no pity or remorse for something they did that hurt you. Massive red flag.

23. When every ex is “crazy.”

24. If you find yourself hiding things about them from other people, or making excuses for them, it’s a huge red flag that you are actively ignoring something that is wrong with your relationship.

25. Gaslighting. Somehow, everything is always your fault and never theirs, and they’ll beat you so much with their version of the truth, you start to believe it. They will belittle your argument or dismiss it.

26. When everything you do, they always make it sound like nothing important. Downgrading it, belittling, anything of the sort.

27. My ex very early on showed me who he was. Any type of disagreement we had he would ball his fists up like he was ready to punch me… Later on, he actually told me he wanted to.

28. It’s hard for them to accept “no” as an answer.

29. If they behave badly towards the people they feel most comfortable with (parents, siblings, close friends). They may be an absolute angel with you now that you’re still in the beginning, but when they get comfortable with you too, they’ll treat you the same.

30. It’s never their fault.

January Nelson is a writer, editor, and dreamer. She writes about astrology, games, love, relationships, and entertainment. January graduated with an English and Literature degree from Columbia University.