1. Active listening skills. Hearing me and understanding me is not the same thing as responding in a way that makes me FEEL heard and understood.

2. Grocery shopping. Not just the literal going to the store and putting things in the cart, but coming up with a meal plan for the week of a variety of well-balanced meals and getting it all. The mental load is real y’all.

3. Being able to take care of someone who’s under the weather. It’s a role that falls to women in most families so a lot of guys don’t get the chance to learn. I never realized how much I’d appreciate a man who could hold my hair out of my face while I puked, then kiss me when I felt better until it happened.

4. I love it when men are able to genuinely and unashamedly express when they think something is cute. I feel like it’s really common to see women squealing and getting really excited over, say, a puppy or a kitten or an adorable cartoon character, but men are kind of expected to not be affected by cuteness or not show it?

5. Braiding hair!! My ex could to it and it was so cool. Especially since he could French braid and it’s so exhausting to do those yourself sometimes.

6. Baking, cooking, sewing (even just mending a button or hemming in clothing), and general housekeeping. Essentially having basic life skills that prove you are an adult able to fend for yourself and aren’t looking for a second mother in a partner.

7. Standing up to others (particularly mates) who are being assholes. Having a strong moral compass, empathy and selflessness is seriously sexy.

8. Playing an instrument! But honestly, if they are passionate about something: whether it’s art or coding or reading books, it’s all a major booster. It shows that they can be dedicated to something and that’s really attractive IMO.

9. Dancing. A man who can dance and do it well will generate a lot of interest from women.

If a woman is watching a man dance, odds are she is dancing as well. So those feel-good post-workout tingles also work in the guy’s favor. A guy who can dance well is also basically giving an indication of how he would operate in the bedroom. It shows confidence and it tends to insinuate wealth (since dancing is not a survival skill). Also given that so few men dance, and even fewer dance well, the numbers will work in a man’s favor more often than not.

10. Financial sense, and (sensible) frugality. A guy who knows how to budget properly, make savings projects, and reduce spending while still living his best life is usually also 1) intelligent, 2) good at planning ahead and thinking of the future, and 3) has a whole slew of related skillsets like basic home repair, cooking, cleaning, yard work, shopping, etc. (All things I expect us to share the responsibility of. I’m never going to be the sole house-manager ever again, and I would never ask someone else to take on that role alone).

Granted, I’m a long-haul kind of person. The criteria for spotting an attractive person across the room for the first time is more what you might expect: physical attractiveness and their personality in conversation.

11. Does the ability to be self-aware count? It’s attractive when a guy owns his flaws rather than denying them or being hypocritical in an attempt to hide them.

12. Flexibility. There are many flexible women but for men it’s pretty rare and harder to achieve, so that makes it really cool and attractive IMO.

13. Being clean. When you go to a guy’s apartment and don’t feel completely disgusted, but actually pleasantly surprised by how clean it is. Hot.

14. Public speaking. A skilled public speaker shows confidence, skill, the ability to influence her peers and there is a knowledge base of some kind (he has to talk about some subject). It’s an opportunity to show humor, quick thinking, and vulnerability.

15. Being able to take constructive correction without taking it personally.

I’m not trying to tell you you aren’t good. I’m just trying to help you take the next step. You want to serve me? This is how.

Examples:

• Hey when you load the laundry can you put my bras in a bag and not put them in the dryer?

• Hey thanks so much for listening and letting me rant to you.

• Hey that thing you did to my breasts last night? Amazing. Suck my clit at the same time and I’m golden.

16. Being able to competently drive a stick shift. There’s just something about it.

17. Good memory for details, like remembering what your favorite food is, what things you like… I really love when a guy just knows what I would like without even asking, just paying attention and then using the new data.

18. If a guy is good with kids it’s attractive as hell.

19. Goal-oriented planning and teamwork. Makes me feel like we can tackle anything together.

20. Being able to fix things and build things. If anything breaks in the house or a car I want a man who can just fix it and not have to hire anyone. Also the ability to build furniture and whatnot is hot.

21. Gardening! What’s not to love about a man who can bring fresh free produce to the table! “No babe I do not want some delicious fresh green beans with my dinner” said no one ever.

22. Good penmanship.

23. I’m an artist so art skills or even just an appreciation for art turns me on.

24. I have a weird one: being able to reverse into parking spots effortlessly. I don’t know why, but I melt whenever my boyfriend does this. He just seems so confident driving backward.

25. Being multilingual. Not just two languages but fluent or conversational in around three.

26. Treating fast-food workers and grocery workers with kindness. Basically treating everyone with respect and kindness. That is so attractive to me.

27. I love seeing a guy be dextrous with his fingers, like playing piano or assembling/painting miniatures. It shows finesse and patience.

28. Being able to give a good massage.

29. Storytelling. A man who can convincingly pretend to be a character he came up with on his own in a roleplay, or can build a world and play multiple NPC’s as a tabletop game master. It demonstrates creativity, thinking outside the box, keeping track of multiple things not related to oneself, and seeing situations from multiple points of view.

30. Someone who can care for themselves. Take a shower, clean up your own mess. Caring for one another in a relationship is important but some guys mistake this for ‘I need to find myself another mom.’ There are so many guys who don’t seem to realize this. I just wanted to get it out there.