1. Snooping through your partner’s phone. You aren’t trying to invade their privacy. You’re simply trying to protect your heart. You want to make sure this person isn’t screwing around behind your back because you don’t want to waste time on them. If they’re bad for you, you would rather know it right now. But relationships require trust. They require you to be open and honest with each other. You can’t be sneaking around, reading their messages. You have to believe them when they say they’re never going to hurt you — and if you don’t, you need to leave.
2. Assuming every disagreement is going to lead to a massive fight. You might avoid speaking up to them because you don’t want to get into an argument. You might tiptoe around their feelings because you’re worried about how they’ll react to your opinion. You might feel like you can’t use your voice because there’s a chance it’ll lead to a blowout. But in a healthy relationship, you can talk about anything. And you won’t always agree. You’re two different people. You should appreciate your differences. You shouldn’t resent each other for them.
3. Assuming every fight is going to lead to a breakup. Whenever you get into an argument, you might feel like the world is ending. Like the relationship is over. Like there’s no coming back from what happened. But if you respect each other, and are willing to put effort into each other, then you’re probably going to be okay. Couples fight. It happens. No one is immune to it.
4. Keeping score with them. Your relationship should feel balanced — but you shouldn’t be keeping track of every little thing they do for you versus what you do for them. It shouldn’t be a huge deal if you wash the dishes four times this week and they do it three times. And if it is, you should sit them down and have a conversation about it. You don’t want to grow to resent them over the small things. You don’t want to enter them into a contest they don’t even realize they’re taking part in. You don’t want your person to take advantage of you — but you don’t want to keep a running tally of their chores either.
5. Trying your hardest to fix them. You can’t save someone else. You can’t control someone else. You can only control yourself. You have to stop feeling like it’s your responsibility to take their problems on as your own and rescue them from themselves. Besides, you shouldn’t be with someone who needs to change. You should be with someone you love exactly as they are. If you need to change them to love them, why are you with them?
6. Keeping your options open. You might keep dating apps on your phone just in case. You might keep an old flame’s number just in case. You might have backup plans just in case. But you can’t give someone half your heart. If you’re ready to commit to them, you need to respect them enough to go all in. Otherwise, let them know you need some more time. Just don’t lead them on. Don’t hurt them in the same ways the last person hurt you.