1. You can’t just be friendly and joke with people. They almost always think you’re flirting.
2. I’ve been very shy and plagued with anxiety for most of my life, and people have actually perceived that as being stuck up and vain. I’m outwardly cold and unexpressive because I’m terrified of people, not because I think I’m better. And I’ve also spent much of my life believing I’m ugly and gross. Attractiveness doesn’t equal confidence.
3. Sometimes it feels like your value as a person becomes rooted in your appearance and having a personality and experiencing the spectrum of human emotions shatters whatever image of you someone has created in their mind.
4. As a woman, not being taken seriously. Especially in a group of men.
5. Being objectified, people will ghost you or become flat out mean after they either get what they want/find out you won’t give them what they want. (This is not exclusive to sex, but sex is probably the most common.)
6. I’ve had several relationships where my partners would lie about how they felt, what they actually wanted, or times that I hurt them because they were more invested in keeping the relationship going than actually enjoying being in a relationship, so they’d say whatever they thought they needed to keep me from wanting to leave.
7. Sometimes people automatically think you’re a fuckboy or a conceited asshole if you fit the stereotypical appearance of an attractive guy.
8. Me: Walking through the suburbs minding my own business.
Cars: H O N K.
9. People make assumptions that you’re going to be cocky or arrogant, and won’t approach you. I generally have to initiate conversations. There’s also this odd behavior from strangers where it’s perfectly okay to criticize my appearance in this passive-aggressive sort of way.
10. People keep looking but don’t talk.
11. People assume I’m dumb.
12. Aging. Because the “perks” I enjoyed as an attractive young woman are notably changed as I age.
13. Being harassed in public. I’m not super attractive, but after I lost weight and started meeting more conventional beauty standards the attention I got skyrocketed. I have been followed around the grocery store. Groped by strangers while I went about my business. Shouted at on the street. It’s scary sometimes.
14. Men seem to get enchanted by me and fall in love at first sight, but after a while, they realize I’m just a regular person with flaws and lose interest because I’m not the perfect sex goddess they thought I was.
15. My experience is people approaching me as a booty call, rather than as a girlfriend. Been asked to join a threesome after a great night getting to know a guy at a mutual friend’s party, here I was expecting an invite on a date!
16. People get awkward around me sometimes. Strangers feel compelled to talk to me relatively often.
17. I wouldn’t describe myself as a supermodel, but I was a bit of an ugly duckling.
Having been on both sides, what I found surprising, at least as a female, is you are hated by far more people (mostly other girls) when you look good than when you didn’t.
Before people were mean, but it was usually more like occasional passive assholery.
Afterward, however, it was active, overt hatred/bullying on a nearly daily basis. Not only did it intensify with the girls that were already mean before (usually popular), but there were suddenly a whole host of ones that were previously friends/in the same ‘social class’ and also many that previously didn’t seem to even know I existed before, which is odd.
18. People just assume that everyone must like you and that you’re popular. I’ve been single all my life and still a virgin, most of my “ugly” friends already dated, kissed, or gotten laid. Then they complain about being forever alone and ugly and how I must have “huge lines” of girls wanting to date me. I don’t.
19. Whenever I see “ attractive “ people open up about insecurities people think they have the right to invalidate that person’s feelings and opinions because they fit the current beauty standard and many people desire their body and face without realizing the fact that there’s a clear difference between feeling beautiful and looking beautiful alongside the fact that everyone has their own beauty standard.
20. Insecure but attractive enough to be stared at when just walking through a public place. Constantly eyes on you. Like, “Is there something on my face?” feeling constantly. Creepy dudes at gas stations. And women looking up and down giving dirty looks like it’s a competition or something. Leave me alone.
21. Everyone assumes I am a bitch until they get to know me.
22. Most of my partners get extremely jealous and possessive and relationships have turned sour because either they feel they aren’t good enough or the jealousy ruins it.
23. I get flirted with by older men almost every day at work. (I work at a supermarket where I guess there’s a lot of single old men looking for young people?)
24. It’s very hard to tell whether people like you for you and not just an image they have in your head of who you are based on your looks.
25. I feel intense pressure to look good all the time and freak out if I have a bad hair day or I have acne, or I don’t like my outfit. Probably people think I have an eating problem because I refuse to eat a lot of normal things that make me bloated. I see myself in the mirror and usually think I look like a manatee when I know objectively I don’t. I feel intense pressured if I don’t exercise regularly. I wish I could let go sometimes and drink beer with my friends.
26. It’s hard to lay low and go unnoticed. As an attractive introvert I always had the worst time in social settings because I don’t know what you want from me!
27. For some reason, all clothes look sluttier on me. Like a crop top looks cute and empowering on other girls and I look like I should not be allowed around children.
28. Shallow people going on first dates and then ghosting you because they don’t like your personality, which they could have known if they weren’t just face-happy.
29. You end up having sex with a lot more people than intended. And then they leave when they realize you’re annoying AF. So people don’t love you for you. They love you for what you can do for them.
30. Everybody assumes you have hoes.