30 Hilarious Names Parents *Actually* Named Their Children

1. An ex had friends who named their kids Haight and Rayge (hate and rage). Good luck kids.

2. My neighbor was the 12th kid. His parents named him Twelver. That’s gotta be the worst I’ve ever seen.

3. Secretlove. She was a kid my mom met when my mom worked at a pediatrician’s office. Secretlove’s mom laid out the whole story to my mom about the name.

4. Fancy (named after the Reba song) and her sister Truly (named after Truly Scrumptious from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang).

5. Had a little boy in my program named Rowdy. Eh… kind of rednecky but, whatever. Then I found out his older brother is named Howdy! WTF?

6. I went to high school with a guy named John John John. Yes, his first name, middle name and last name were all “John”.

7. Some friends of mine in high school knew a girl named Cash Money.

8. My mother knew someone who named their kid Har$

Yes, that’s pronounced Harmony.

9. Christgift, Christwill and Christgood all siblings. Bless their hearts.

10. I work at a college and often go through the new applications to process them, I’ve seen all kinds.

Most ridiculous name I’ve seen thus far though:

Starscream Anakin as his first and middle names. He has a normal last name. When I first saw it, I was certain that it was a kid fucking with our application system. Then I met him in person, and he showed me his ID.

His name is legally Starscream Anakin. I get the Anakin part, but of all the Transformers to name your kid after, why on Earth make it Starscream? He was just awful.

11. Babygirl. Yes this was their legal name.

12. I once encountered a plump young woman whose name, according to her ID, was Rotunda.

13. My mother is a genealogist and discovered that my great great great something grandparents were named Lettice and Nimrod. A power couple.

14. Heard a lady yell at her kid, “Graceland Tennessee stop running around!”

15. Wednesday Passion. That was a little girl I use to babysit.

16. A family friend named his son “Sir” and it’s pretty cringe.

17. My mom worked in a maternity ward and a family with the last name “Dollar” named their infant child “Needa”… poor kid.

18. Met a kid named Beau once. Learned later he had a twin brother named Arrow.

19. Sprinkle because she looked like a little sprinkle when she was born… so they say.

20. My mom’s class had a 5 year old girl named Trinket. What kind of shitty parent do you have to be to name your child after a “small item of little to no value”?

21. Did data entry at an amusement park. One pass holder was named “Asthma.” That was her first name. Asthma, as in the breathing condition.

22. I know a girl named Random. While at an Easter egg hunt years ago (eggs were labeled for each kid), I took the eggs labeled Random thinking they were up for grabs. Random’s parents were unamused to say the least. Maybe they should have considered the consequences before picking that dreadful name.

23. Knew a boy in America called Satchel…

He changed it as soon as he could, because his mother refused to believe that a satchel was a type of bag.

She thought it was a fantasy name like Aragorn or something…

24. My dad is an anesthesiologist and one woman he did an epidural for named her daughter Peculiar.

25. Khaleesi. I’m sure the parents thought it was a cool name at the time. But that name has not aged well now.

26. I knew two girls in school, one was named Happy and one was named Buttercup. And no, they were not related, just instances of two ridiculous names.

27. A woman I know really likes Harry Potter movies and named her daughter Herminy. It really hurts to write it like that.

28. My sister works with a girl by the name, Tyranny. And according to my sister, it sounds like the name suits her.

29. My uncle had a kid at his middle school named Mother.

30. Chevy, because he was conceived in the bed of a Chevy truck.